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Friday, April 06, 2007

Grief - Part 2

Thank you all who stopped by to wish me well. Your kind words and thought mean so much in this difficult time.

We had the session with our gynea today. We confirmed yesterday's diagnosis; basically, technically the baby, eventhough now alive and kicking, is only doing so because its heart is pumping. The brain is dead. Even if I were to bring it to term, it would only be able to survive a few hours, seeing how the brain is so deformed that even breathing by its own is not possible.

My gynea advised me to terminate the pregnancy now, before the baby got any bigger. Hubby has accepted the situation and has advised me the same.

I know that there can be no miracle for my baby. I know this was not meant to be. But somehow I just can't let go. Yet.

My gynea said, there's no use going through HG and labor pains, only to give birth to a stillborn baby. She said it would only be more devastating to us.

I asked her, if this were her baby, would she terminate? Her answer was yes. She said, as a Muslim, eventhough it is wrong to abort babies, in this case the baby is still below 120 days old therefore has no soul yet. She would never recommend terminating if there was even a 1% chance of a miracle happening. My baby is not going to live, no matter what.

I have accepted this fate. I know what I need to do, what I should do. It's not going to be easy. I can't stop thinking about it.

Monday. I'll go back to the hospital on Monday.

11 comments:

Mommy at Home said...

I cried reading your last 2 entries.I'm so sorry to hear about your baby. My prayers are with you and your girls.

oyeen said...

Along,

so sorry to hear that, i will always pray for you, dunno what to say but be patient, this is dugaan from Allah.

ila de cute said...

I cried reading your entry... it really recall me to my own experience last 2 years... but last time i've made a choice not to abort the baby since i know there is possibilities for him to go for treatment though God wants something else, God want my baby to be with Him...

Your situation now is different from mine . Along, please really consider dr's suggestion though i know its really painful...

it is not about whether worth or not for u carry the baby until full term, its about u and people around u too... Please take care of yourself becoz your hubby and daughters really need you...please be strong...

Allah may have his own reason to test you like this.. take it positively that Allah loves u so much, and thats the reason why He chose you to experience this... (i use this theraphy to make me feel better last time)

I love u, please be strong...

Hot Mama said...

Oh my, i seriously do not know what to say... Be strong! Think positive. (i know its hard to do)Allah has another plan for this precious baby.

InsyaAllah...

zarina said...

along..be strong ok..ada hikmahnya..

happy2gether said...

Along...it's been a while, shocked n sad to hear bout d news...don't know what to say, but the best is follow your heart n consider the Doc's recommendation, byklah berdoa n remember that yr family need you d most, be strong...we're by yr side...betul cakap Ila, ALLAH menguji orang yg DIA rasa boleh menerima dugaan itu, mesti ada hikmah disblk apa yg terjadi...

take care-hugs-mai

moby said...

Hi I've just read your post today. My heart goes out to your loss. I pray that you cope with this experience well and come out of it with renewed faith, insya'allah.

halwafy said...

Along, just read your last 2 posts today..

Be strong and reassured in the fact that the baby has no soul, as the doctor said...

Allah yang lebih mengetahui..

raggedyanne said...

i'm soo sorry to hear about the news. I hope you'll find a way to find peace in your heart to let this baby go. It's all in God's hands.

Anonymous said...

Along,

I just found aou the news today since I didn't read your blog for few weeks. I'm so so sorry to hear about your baby. Whatever your decision on the baby, that the best decision. I pray that you and yr family are always well. Remember, the're always silver lining in the dark cloud. Zai

AzaLea said...

Along dear,

I'm sorry to hear on your loss.With all the HG you experienced and all.Heard on your procedure.

I know that all pregnancy experience is different, and another pregnancy wouldn't really make you forget the ones you've lost, but I hope you will be strong and try again when you are ready.

We've both, together with some other mothers who have experience the loss of their babies. It hurts so much now, but it will make u strong.

Just remember, your baby is peaceful in Heaven and will wait for the moment to reunite with you. Take Care.