Grief - Part 2

Thank you all who stopped by to wish me well. Your kind words and thought mean so much in this difficult time.

We had the session with our gynea today. We confirmed yesterday's diagnosis; basically, technically the baby, eventhough now alive and kicking, is only doing so because its heart is pumping. The brain is dead. Even if I were to bring it to term, it would only be able to survive a few hours, seeing how the brain is so deformed that even breathing by its own is not possible.

My gynea advised me to terminate the pregnancy now, before the baby got any bigger. Hubby has accepted the situation and has advised me the same.

I know that there can be no miracle for my baby. I know this was not meant to be. But somehow I just can't let go. Yet.

My gynea said, there's no use going through HG and labor pains, only to give birth to a stillborn baby. She said it would only be more devastating to us.

I asked her, if this were her baby, would she terminate? Her answer was yes. She said, as a Muslim, eventhough it is wrong to abort babies, in this case the baby is still below 120 days old therefore has no soul yet. She would never recommend terminating if there was even a 1% chance of a miracle happening. My baby is not going to live, no matter what.

I have accepted this fate. I know what I need to do, what I should do. It's not going to be easy. I can't stop thinking about it.

Monday. I'll go back to the hospital on Monday.