So now I am on medical leave for a week. It had to be done with. After much hope and much prayers, the doctor concluded that the baby had no heartbeat and our only option was to do (another!!) D&C.
What? And I jumping ahead here? I didn't tell you guys I was pregnant in the first place?
*sigh*
Well, I was. 8 weeks to be exact. Things were going smoothly, or so I thought. My MS had reared its ugly head around week 7 so I though, hey, everything is in order. Just 30 or so more weeks of projectile vomiting and we'll have that addition to the family.
As the saying goes, if you wanna make God laugh, start making plans.
Luckily I didn't announce the news to a lot of people; just a handful at the office. My mom. My MIL. The girls. My business partner, Ida. Saves me the task of having to go through the story again and again.
How am I feeling? Physically I'm doing ok. Just a little bit of bleeding and some soreness. Nothing some painkillers can't take care of.
Emotionally? I'm sad. Sad to the point I feel numb. Numb to the point I can't believe this happened to us
again (and
again). For the 3rd time. In a row!!
Part of me is saying, "
it's ok, we'll try again, takde rezeki" and all that shit. Another part of me is screaming,
"WTF!!!! Again?!! Fine!! That's it, I'm throwing in the towel. No more trying. It's just too tiring. Physically, emotionally, spiritually..."The kids are disappointed. Hubby is beyond grief. Despite the side effects of the anesthetic, I find myself unable to sleep.
Why? Why?
I got myself a new gynae, not because I was unhappy with my old one but because this new hospital was just 10 minutes from our home. She's nice and was very sympathetic with our case. We decided to do some chromosome and DNA tests with the baby and also with my blood, which they took pints of. We expect to get some results within a month.
Until then, it's business as usual. I guess we won't be getting that MPV this year either. Heh..
Labels: Loss, Pregnancy