Sunday, December 31, 2006

Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007

2006 is coming to an end. When I look back, I realize this year has not been such a good year for me. Things happened in the office and at home, that I would rather not think about anymore. If only I could erase parts of 2006..

But I realize I can only learn from the past ad try to make year 2007 a better year for me and my family. FYI, my Chevening Scholarship application was rejected so I guess pursuing my Masters may not be in the plans for 2007. Work wise, I truly hope I can get a transfer. It’s not just the workload and such, it’s just I need to be doing something different in order to keep sane. With what has happened the past year, I don’t think I can even fake enthusiasm going back to the office.

Family wise, hubby and I have agreed to expand our litter of kittens. Maybe we’ll get a boy this time. Hehehe, it doesn’t matter, so long as he/she is healthy.

Resolutions? I don’t really believe in them, so far all resolutions I’ve made have only lasted until February. However, I do hope to take better care of myself, perhaps go to the spa every 2 months or so.

As for the kids, Dania starts school next year. Yep, my little girl is not so little anymore. I registered her at Smart Reader since it’s near our house and they provide transport. Plus, I checked out their learning syllabus and it pretty much covers the basic skills she’ll need for real school later. Also, they have Mandarin classes. I intend to sign her up for that too. Dania’s already so excited about going to school. I have yet to buy her stationary supplies, maybe today.

Dina will be starting Tumble Tots next year. I hope she’ll be able to learn how to share and socialize with kids her age. She enjoyed her trial run, even if she was rather comprehensive the first 20 minutes or so. I think since Dania has been teaching her most of the TumbleTots “moves and grooves”, she’s pretty familiar with the concept.

As for hubby, I guess he’s doing great at work. At least, better than me, but since I literally get sick at the thought of work, that’s not saying much. The important thing is, eventhough he’s super busy at times, hubby truly loves what he’s doing. The pay increase is like cherry on the top; I love it coz it has lessened my financial contribution to the family. More money for my shopping!! Hahaha, no really, the way I see, if hubby continues to excel at work, maybe…then maybe, I can truly quit and start my own business as I’ve wanted to for so long.

So, here’s hoping 2007 brings all of you much hope and happiness, may it be better than 2006.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Family Matters

I’m still deeply affected by Arwah Yus’s death. It’s been 6 days since her passing; but the memory of seeing her for the last time at the hospital is still fresh in my mind. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all this is not to let work become the death of me. I’m not saying work is what killed her, but there are so many times that we all had to work, weekends and long weekdays, sacrificing time with family and friends. Arwah Azmi also indirectly died because of work reasons; because he had to work late, he forgot his bus ticket and apartment keys and had to climb the balcony to try to enter. Arwah Nuun also had the same fate; she was supposed to be on leave but had to come to work for some emergency. On her way back home, her car flipped over and she died on the spot.

I miss Arwah Yus so much. It’s like I see her everywhere. I was scrolling through my phone address book and spent 30 minutes complementing whether or not to delete her number. Somehow, having her number still stored in my phone, gave me a sense of connection with her. Crazy as it may sound, I just couldn’t delete her number, you know, just in case, she might contact me. Yeah, like I said, crazy.

Because of what had happened, the whole family went on a bonding frenzy. That Friday night, Dania had her music class concert and party. Seeing my little girl play the organ with such determination filled me with so much pride. As the whole class danced The American Kids, I watched with awe at how much my little girl had actually grown. Somehow it also scared me to think of just how much time I had left with my children. I know its not healthy dwelling on the negative but the last few days have left me rather rattled.

To take my mind off all the sad events going on, hubby took out the kids’ swimming pool the next morning and we all spent an hour or so playing with the kids and getting each other drenched. That night, hubby took me and the kids to IOI Mall. Yeah, I know, nothing all that special but the few hours we spent together was precious. We took the kids on the carousal and bought them new pants. I remember thinking, if I go tomorrow, I want the kids to know and remember that I love them so. Again, Arwah Yus was always on my mind.

We went to my parent’s house on Sunday and on Monday, everyone came for a steamboat dinner. We had friend rice, chicken, fish balls and crab cakes until we almost burst. We played cards and talked until 2 in the morning.

All the family bonding made me feel warm and fuzzy but also made me crave for more. I guess so long as there’s breath in my body, there will be more.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Gone But Not Forgotten

" Bahawasanya kami kepunyaan Allah dan bahwasanya kami akan kembali kepadaNya."

I’m sorry I’ve been away from the blogging world for so long, and also for leaving my Terengganu trip story hanging like this. I would like to continue, in fact I have several half-written posts I need to put up but for now I would like to pay tribute to a dear friend of mine, Yusrina Mohd Yusof.

Yusrina, or Yus as we would all called her, was a great friend. Funny, hardworking, caring and kind. She had just joined our division a month ago; she was supposed to take over one of my channels. As a result, we spent a lot of time at work together as I helped her ease her way into our division and its eternal mist of chaos. Despite the heavy workload, she never grumbled but took everything in stride, solving problems that I had given up on for months.

Despite spending all that time with her, I never got to really know much about her personal life. I know she was married, with a beautiful boy who had just turned 3 last Tuesday. I know this because she had asked me the price of a bicycle she was thinking of buying for her kid. I know she was the eldest in her family; I think she had like 4 or 5 younger siblings. I know her family resides in Tampin as she mentioned going back there during last raya.

What else do I know about her? Does it really matter? She’s gone; she passed away this morning around 4am.

I just met her yesterday. I can still remember our last conversation, talking about work as usual. I remember our last YM chat. I remember her asking about finding a makcik urut since she complained of feeling tired and full of wind lately. Was I supposed to know that was a sign of things to come? She had complained of wind for nearly a year it seems, always brushing it off as nothing serious.

Oh my god, how I miss her so. This all seems like just a dream, that maybe I’ll just wake up in my bed and I can go warn her, make her go for a check-up. I feel so helpless. Maybe I could have helped her more with her work, maybe I could have seen the signs of stress getting to her. The thing is she looked so healthy, only 27. There were no signs, no indication of what was to happen.

Dearest Yus, I pray your spirit is with those who are loved by Allah. I pray that you did not suffer when you left us. I pray that you loving husband and son get all the help and strength to get though this tragedy. We will all miss you and will always think of you. I just wish we had more time to spend with each other, more good times for us to remember. Dearest Yus, I hope I was a good friend to you as you were a great friend to me.

Ya Allah, ko ampunkanlah segala dosa hambaMu Yusrina. Selamatkan dia dari segala seksaan kubur. Sesungguhnya ajal dan mati itu datangnya dariMu. Kepada Kau kami berserah, kepada Kau kami meminta. Golongkanlah hambaMu dalam golongan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin.