We Should Be OK

So here’s what I finally did. We all pitched tent at my mom’s house. At night, I sleep with the girls on the floor in my mom’s room while hubby sleeps in the living room. An interim solution which can only be used until the 6th of April coz that’s when my dad comes back from Canada.

But still, I’m not complaining. Eventhough I lack the necessary body heat I need to sleep well (from hubby) and I have slight cramps from sleeping on the floor, the important thing is the kids are happy and I have peace of mind that they are being taken care of by their grandma. Personally, a much better option than sending the kids off to a daycare center.

I want to give a big shout out to those who commented to my previous entry. Krissy, thank you so much for your comment. It made me feel so much better and more convinced that I REALLY am trying to do the best for my kids. Being a new mom yourself, how did you get so wise?!! Same “thank you” goes out to Twinsmom.

Angah, yeah bro..took your suggestion. Hope you love the idea of us all crashing the house.

5xMom, if I had the luxury of taking leave, I would but like Krissy pointed out, the kids definitely wouldn’t have benefited from having a grouchy half-mad mom at home. Plus, got so many bills to pay, kesian hubby have to fork out for everything. But still, thank you for your comment.

Joe, you are excluded form this shout out. :-P

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On other matters, here’s an update of what the girls are now up to.

Dania
1. Is now our official telephone answerer. Don’t anyone dare pick up the phone when she’s around, unless you want to hear scream fest of the year.
2. Can glue herself to the computer for hours playing Bob the Builder or any other games from cbeebies or sesame street website.
3. Has memorized dozen of nursery rhymes which are rehearsed in front of her sister on a daily basis.
4. Is now 99.9% potty trained. Hubby said, even at night Dania would wake him up when she feels the need to go to the toilet. Good girl!!
5. Loves going to her Tumble Tots sessions as she gets to mix around with kids her own age.

Dina
1. Has mastered the art of rolling. It’s rolling here, rolling there..rolling everywhere. Finish line is usually under the sofa or against the wall.
2. Has the impression that everything should be tasted before approved. This includes her sister’s hair, her abah’s face, her ibu’s tudung and her own toes.
3. Is getting the hang of the “caterpillar” dance.
Step 1: Roll onto tummy
Step 2: Bring knees up.
Step 3: Hands flung out for the extra “pull” factor.
Step 4: Face on the floor for added friction.
She can scoot forward on her face for 2 minutes before she gets tired or hits an obstacle. Pretty amazing to see. :D
4. Is now eating bananas & rice cereal. Still breastfeeding (yeah!!!)

More pictures of the girls coming soon.

What To Do...What To Do?!!

My maid Ani is going home tomorrow morning. After staying with us and taking care of the kids for 2 years, she decided to go home and take care of her younger siblings.

I know I’ve written about this before. The reason I’m writing this again is because I am being faced with the dilemma of what to do now.

Options:
1. Borrow my mom’s maid for time being until new maid arrives.
Pros: My kids get to stay at home and I have peace of mind. Well, sort of.
Cons: My mom’s maid has no idea how to handle a baby. My mom has offered to come over everyday to take care of the kids too but until when? I hate the fact that I’m becoming an inconvenience to her.

2. Put kids in a daycare centre until new maid arrives.
Pros: Won’t be causing inconvenience to anyone. Lots of Daycare centers near home to choose from.
Cons: Ahhh..I won’t be able to function at home thinking about the kids!!! Will they be cared for? Will they be able to adapt? What if they won’t want to eat? What if they catch something from the other kids? So many questions...so many fears.

3. Take a month’s unpaid leave and take care of the kids myself until new maid arrives.
Pros: I have peace of mind and I get to spend time with the kids. No more worrying about work and deadlines, at least not until I get back to the office. Having internet at home, I can still keep in touch with my boss via emails and telephone calls.
Cons: I’m afraid I’ll go crazy staying at home that long. Hahaha, sounds selfish?!! I dunnolah, plus hubby hates the fact we would be losing out on the money (which we really do need to pay the bills and other stuff). I’ve suggested taking some money out from my savings, which is allocated for emergency situations anyway. This would count as an emergency situation, right? And I was just kidding about the "going crazy" stuff.

4. Leave the kids with my mother-in-law (who lives in Melaka) until the new maid comes.
Pros: Kids will be in the care of their grandparents. I’ll have peace of mind that they’ll be taken care.
Cons: Arghh..a month without my babies???!!!!Cannot!! Cannot live!! A month without seeing their faces, hearing their voices, no kisses and hugs from them. OMG, I’ll just die. I truly will. Even if we go back every weekend to see them, it won’t be the same.



Hubby is all for option 2. His rational is if other people can put their kids in daycare, why not us?

Why? Because I don’t want to!!!!! Call me irrational or anything else, you’re all entitled to your opinions. Call me kiasu even. Whatever.

I’ve heard too many horror stories of how kids in daycare centers get mistreated or ignored. I’ve seen firsthand how one daycare center took care of the babies there. They just spread out two big mattresses and placed all the babies next to each other. The mattresses were uncovered and were filthy!!! They had two people taking care of 8 screaming babies. I walked by the kitchen and it had baby formula all over the place. The toilet...arghhh, don’t get me started on the state of the toilet!!! The experience was enough for me NOT to consider daycare centers as an option for my kids.

If you send your kids to a daycare center, and everything is ok, then more power to ya!! I know lots of people who send their kids to daycare centers and the kids turn out ok. I admit, there are some fabulous daycare centers run by fabulous people around. I’m not condemning ALL daycare centers, nor am I condemning parents who send their kids there. This is my personal view, this is how I feel.

And if you think I’m whining about such a small matter, then don’t feel pressured to leave a comment. I feel awful as it is. I just need to get this off my chest. I think once I’ve written this all down, and reread it, maybe I can make a more practical decision, instead of an emotional one.

Bad Dog vs Bad Owners

I hate dogs. Hate them with all my might. I hate them more than snakes, rats and transparent lizards. They are No. 1 on my Hate List

My hatred is not unfounded. When I was small, I was attacked by a dog. A BIG dog. Luckily for me I escaped with only minor scratches due to “lintang pukang” run-like-hell, fall-on-my-face, crawl-into-bushes experience. And believe me, it wasn’t my fault. I did nothing to agitate the dog; it just decided that a cute girl walking back home from school looked mighty delicious.

I was lucky; unfortunately for this boy, he wasn’t.

Poor boy. Sob..sob..

Poor boy. Can you imagine, minding your own business, going to the mosque with your cousins for prayers and suddenly four (yes, FOUR!!!) big dogs come and attack you. And these are not cute, small dogs like Benjy, ok. We’re talking BIG police dogs, ala Rottweilers and German Shepherds. One dog attacking you would be bad enough, can you imagine four at one go!!!

You can’t really blame the dogs; it is in the nature to be ferocious. The people that should pay for this are the owners. I've seen owners tie up their dogs on short leases and never let them out of the compound. Eh, if in the US, sure kena with the SPCA. Cruelty towards animals. What they don’t realize is that dogs need their daily walks, they are energetic animals. If you don’t give them an outlet for them to release their tension (dogs got tension, huh?), then they become gila (crazy). After a while, they get agitated. Then they become dangerous, the slightest thing can provoke them into attacking. Stupid owners!! If you are lazy to take the dogs out for their walks, then don’t get a dog in the first place. Get a cat, they laze around in the sun all day and only bug you when it’s time to eat.

If it were my child who had been attacked, I would have requested for the same thing to be done to the owners. Let them know the fear and helplessness one goes through when four dogs attack and bit you from every angle. A grown man would have pissed in his pants, what more a nine year old boy.

Call me disturbed or whatever but I would also call for the dogs to be terminated. If it were my child, bald and full of stitches, I would take a piece of wood and personally beat the dogs to death myself. Then only would I be able to live in peace again. Yes, it sounds brutal and my apologies to those who have dogs but I know...I KNOW, that dogs that bite once, tend to do it again..and again..and again. It’s not like you can discipline them. Give them a bone for everytime they get the paper. Blah....if they’ve gone all psycho and started viewing innocent children as play toys/pieces of meat, then they should be done with.

Saying “Bad dog!!” just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Single Line, Two Times Showing

Well, after reading all the replies to my last post, I decided to do another pregnancy test. This time I went to the clinic as to make it “official”.

After peeing in a cup and handing it over to the nurse, I waited patiently for the doctor to call me in.

“Azlina, boleh masuk (Azlina, you can come in now).”

Going in, I saw the doctor scribbling on her notepad. She looked up at me and smiled.

I held my breath.

“OK, your results negative yah. Why you nak buat test? (Why are you doing this test?)

I told her about my dilemma and how my period had come last month but was very late in coming this month.

“You’re still breastfeeding, right? Sometimes it’s like that. Kejap ada, kejap takde. It’s normal.”

In the car I told hubby about the results. Maybe it was my eyes playing a trick on me, but I swear he looked slightly disappointed.

Reaching home, I went straight to my room and laid down on the bed. For some reason, I felt empty, lost.

I told myself, this is a good thing. Being pregnant now is not what I planned for. Now I can concentrate on the girls and also on myself for a change.

Yet somehow I couldn’t stop grieving. The experience had given me a wake up call; that all things in life may never turn out as we plan them.

That small chance (hope?) that I was pregnant now left me with a sense of mourning. How weird is it that I mourned a child I had never even carried?

I cannot imagine all those mothers who have lost their children, either through miscarriage or early death. How they must have felt and what they must have gone through. I pray and pray I never have to go through that experience.



I go down and watch my girls play together. It’s then I realize, if God wanted me to have another child right now, I would embrace the fact with all my heart. Children are precious gifts which we should cherish and treasure always.

To Be Or Not To Be

My last entry set off a lot of tongues wagging. Coming into the office this morning, I was bombarded with questions and emails and sms’s.

“Are you pregnant?!!”

There was also the occasional “Are you pregnant..again??!!”

Yes, it does seem like just yesterday I gave birth to Dina. But what if I am pregnant? Would it be such a bad thing?

Based on the pregnancy test I did last week, it looks like only one line appeared. That means:

1. I did the test correctly
2. I am, however, not pregnant.

The reason for the test is because of my period, which is late. Very late. In fact, during the writing of this entry I’m still waiting for it to come. I’m officially 8 days late.

I know it’s normal for a breastfeeding mother not to have her period come for months after giving birth. Is it normal for me to have my period come last month but miss it altogether this month? I hope someone can help answer this.

I can’t stop thinking about this. I would be bluffing if I said I wasn’t scared. I’ve even made up a list of pros and cons of me being pregnant right now.

Pros
1. We always wanted lots of children. Ok, maybe just 5. So me being pregnant now would mean 3 down, 2 more to go.
2. It’s best to get pregnant while I’m still young. OK, I’m not THAT young, but I want to stop getting pregnant when I hit 35.
3. Having the children a year apart would HOPEFULLY mean they would get along better with each other.

Cons
1. I’m still tired from having Dina. So tired. Physically and mentally. Being pregnant with Dina was a trying period. My morning sickness was at its worse; I even had to be admitted into the hospital coz I was throwing up so much.
2. Dina is only 5 1/2 months old. She’s still a baby that needs my attention. Being pregnant would not allow me to give her that.
3. We had planned to go for a major holiday trip end of next year. Being pregnant would mean postponing the trip to the following year.
4. My maid Ani is going back to her hometown end of this month. I have no idea if the new maid would be as efficient as her.
5. Work would definitely suffer as I would be taking lots of medical leaves and emergency days off, especially during the 1st trimester.

As you can see there are more cons than pros. What does that mean? That I dread being pregnant right now? What does that say about me? Am I a bad mother, a horrible human being?

I hear voices of some of my friends who are still waiting to have a child.

“You’re so luckylah, long. You get pregnant easily. Murah rezeki.”

Sigh...

And we know what this means. 

I am A Force OF Nature

It’s been 79 days since the December 26th Tsunami tragedy. If you’re one of the few who haven’t done their part in donating time, money and/or energy to helping the poor folks who were greatly effected by the tragedy (and SHAME on you, if you are!!), then here’s your chance to do something good...and boogey the night away while your at it.

The following text is a snippet from a write-up on the Force of Nature Concert For Tsunami Aid, written by Sheena Tan.

Annuar Zain, Backstreet Boys, Black Eyed Peas, Boyz II Men, Dayang Nurfaizah, Innuendo (collaborating with Ruffedge and V.E.), Jackie Chan, Lauryn Hill, Nicholas Tse, Sheila Majid, Wyclef Jean and Yumiko Cheng. These local and international superstars will be coming together for the first time in Malaysia to perform in the Force of Nature Concert For Tsunami Aid on March 18 th 2005 at the Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil, Kuala Lumpur .

And you can be part of this historical event and at the same time do your part for the sufferers of the world’s worst natural disaster in recent memory, the millions of Tsunami victims, who are still trying to climb out of the rubble of destruction. The Concert For Tsunami Aid is the first initiative of the Force of Nature Aid Foundation, a non-profit organization in Kuala Lumpur, with Kamaluddin Abdullah Badawi as the Director/Trustee of this Foundation, and 100% of the proceeds of the ticket sales will be going towards the unfortunate victims, via the various relief agencies around the world dealing directly with victims.

For more information, please visit http://forceofnature.bluehyppo.com/

On another topic, which is slightly related to the Tsunami incident, I was blog hopping the other day when I came across this fella’s blog. Since he was from the US, we’ll call him Sam (not his real name). Now I’m not one to thrash people for stating their own opinions, particularly when it comes to topics I have little interest in such as politics, business and who’s more annoying; Aznil or Azwan?

But I got to reading this guy’s blog and there was one entry he made with regards to the Tsunami incident. He was going on about how the rest of the world was giving the US the 3rd degree coz Bush had initially decided to donate only 13 million (or something like that). He was talking about how the Bush administration was “forced” into giving more as the US had a tarnished reputation to repair, especially in the eyes of Asia. He wrote about how peeved he was that the school “brats” in Thailand would be enjoying super-savvy computer labs, thanks to the money the US would be giving. Never mind the fact that in the US, some people were starving. Never mind the fact that the rate of unemployment was at an all time high. Nooooo, Asian people were insisting, in fact, demanding that the US give as much money as they could so they can have their beautiful hotels, massage parlors and strip bars restored (I guess he though only Thailand had been hit by the Tsunami).

OK, so maybe this guy had been living in a cave all this while and hadn’t seen any pictures or heard any news relating to the destruction the Tsunami caused. But please, read up before you make stupid comments like this. Super-savvy computers?!! We’re not talking about rich or well-to-do people having their BMWs washed out to sea.

We’re talking about poor fisherman losing their boats, their houses, their entire livelihood.

We’re talking about 1000 children in Sri Lanka made orphans due to the Tsunami tragedy.

We’re talking about an entire cities flattened with nothing but mud, debris and dead bodies to be seen.

We’re talking nearly 300,000 people dead, injured or missing.

Sorry, I want to swear and rant but I realize that some people are just so dense and/or selfish that it would just be a waste of time for me to do so. So I’m calling out to all Malaysians, for the sake of this man’s sanity, let’s join forces and donate whatever money/time/energy we can spare. Maybe it would be sufficient enough that we wouldn’t have to rely on Uncle Sam to give up his precious dollars for this cause.

Ps: You might be wondering if I’m going to the Force of Nature concert? Alas, I can’t but before you start throwing rotten tomatoes at me, let me just assure you that I have what I can for the Tsunami victims. I’ve donated money and organized a charity drive with some of my fabulous colleagues. And I’m highlighting this concert in my blog. So now, it’s your turn.

This is Why I Need a Holiday

What's worse than being stuck in a boring meeting, with an empty stomach and a irritating cough?

Getting locked inside the meeting room, with no food and everyone else has gone out to lunch!!!!

ARGHHHHHH!!!!

Have a nice weekend, everybody.

In today's newspaper. 

This. Has Not. Been. A. Good. Day.

For the love of God, I really hate my job right now. Hate it..hate it..hate it!!!!!!

One of these days, I'm gonna torch this building and watch it burn, instead of just fantasizing about it at night.

I’m going home. I need a big hug from my gals to cool me down.

Thank God for Small Miracles

It’s confirmed. Dina does not have the dengue fever. This morning, hubby and myself took her to the clinic, apparently she has a virus infection due to the fever she’s having. Whatever that means, as long as it’s not dengue.

I was so worried. I felt like crying seeing her cute face full of red spots. However, after hearing the doctor say it’s not dengue or the measles, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I came to work despite already notifying the clerk that I intended to take EL. Work is overwhelming, so many proposals and paperwork to get through. I really need to get away with the family soon. Maybe Bukit Tinggi after the kids get better.

Willy Wonka's at it Again!!

Was it just last month that I wrote about this guy? Now it seems he's expanded his territory to include Dania and Dinaland. Man, this sucks!! Fortunately hubbyland is save from evasion. Hubby is now our official chauffeur (to the clinic) and medicine man. Every time after meals, he’ll line up all the bottles in a neat row and call us to take our medicine. What would I do without him?

Toys..toys..and more toys!!

Here are pictures of the toys I managed to grab during my recent warehouse sale rush. Doesn't look like much, but I go for quality, instead of quantity. I'm still steaming though, that I didn't get to grab the FisherPrice Stride to Ride walker. But nevermind, hopefully there'll be another warehouse sale soon.

For Dania's 3rd birthday. 70% off the original price!! 

This is another Sweet Street set for Dania's birthday. I was damn proud that I got to buy this set. 

I'll give this to Dina when she's able to sit up by herself.  

This is for Dina's 1st birthday. I love that it has sound effects too.  

These are sets of the Little People, damn cheap!! I tried looking for other sets, but alas..none were to be found. 

This is for Dania. Some nice lady didn't want it and gave it to me as we were lining up to pay.  

This is for Dina. But I just know Dania would want to test drive it first. 

They're HUGE!! They're GIGANTIC!! They're IMMENSE!! They're for my cousins. :D 

I have no idea how to play this game, but it was cheap and looked like fun. I'll save it until the girls are a bit older.