Monday, March 28, 2005

What To Do...What To Do?!!

My maid Ani is going home tomorrow morning. After staying with us and taking care of the kids for 2 years, she decided to go home and take care of her younger siblings.

I know I’ve written about this before. The reason I’m writing this again is because I am being faced with the dilemma of what to do now.

1. Borrow my mom’s maid for time being until new maid arrives.
Pros: My kids get to stay at home and I have peace of mind. Well, sort of.
Cons: My mom’s maid has no idea how to handle a baby. My mom has offered to come over everyday to take care of the kids too but until when? I hate the fact that I’m becoming an inconvenience to her.

2. Put kids in a daycare centre until new maid arrives.
Pros: Won’t be causing inconvenience to anyone. Lots of Daycare centers near home to choose from.
Cons: Ahhh..I won’t be able to function at home thinking about the kids!!! Will they be cared for? Will they be able to adapt? What if they won’t want to eat? What if they catch something from the other kids? So many many fears.

3. Take a month’s unpaid leave and take care of the kids myself until new maid arrives.
I have peace of mind and I get to spend time with the kids. No more worrying about work and deadlines, at least not until I get back to the office. Having internet at home, I can still keep in touch with my boss via emails and telephone calls.
Cons: I’m afraid I’ll go crazy staying at home that long. Hahaha, sounds selfish?!! I dunnolah, plus hubby hates the fact we would be losing out on the money (which we really do need to pay the bills and other stuff). I’ve suggested taking some money out from my savings, which is allocated for emergency situations anyway. This would count as an emergency situation, right? And I was just kidding about the "going crazy" stuff.

4. Leave the kids with my mother-in-law (who lives in Melaka) until the new maid comes.
Pros: Kids will be in the care of their grandparents. I’ll have peace of mind that they’ll be taken care.
Cons: Arghh..a month without my babies???!!!!Cannot!! Cannot live!! A month without seeing their faces, hearing their voices, no kisses and hugs from them. OMG, I’ll just die. I truly will. Even if we go back every weekend to see them, it won’t be the same.

Hubby is all for option 2. His rational is if other people can put their kids in daycare, why not us?

Why? Because I don’t want to!!!!! Call me irrational or anything else, you’re all entitled to your opinions. Call me kiasu even. Whatever.

I’ve heard too many horror stories of how kids in daycare centers get mistreated or ignored. I’ve seen firsthand how one daycare center took care of the babies there. They just spread out two big mattresses and placed all the babies next to each other. The mattresses were uncovered and were filthy!!! They had two people taking care of 8 screaming babies. I walked by the kitchen and it had baby formula all over the place. The toilet...arghhh, don’t get me started on the state of the toilet!!! The experience was enough for me NOT to consider daycare centers as an option for my kids.

If you send your kids to a daycare center, and everything is ok, then more power to ya!! I know lots of people who send their kids to daycare centers and the kids turn out ok. I admit, there are some fabulous daycare centers run by fabulous people around. I’m not condemning ALL daycare centers, nor am I condemning parents who send their kids there. This is my personal view, this is how I feel.

And if you think I’m whining about such a small matter, then don’t feel pressured to leave a comment. I feel awful as it is. I just need to get this off my chest. I think once I’ve written this all down, and reread it, maybe I can make a more practical decision, instead of an emotional one.


Anonymous said...

Sis.. breath in.. breath out..
breath in.. breath out..
Just let ibu take care of anja & dina.. she loves doing dat anyway..
her vitamin business can take a back seat for a while, no worries..
(memandai je ngah - well, as usual)
Damn, I miss anja..


Krissy said...

Darlin, I hear you.

This is one of the hardest decisions a parent has to make. Particularly, I think, a mom just because when the baby is first born, by virtue of her boobs, mom is generally the primary caretaker, so letting the babies go is harder for her.

If you were in the US I would definately champion day care. Over here we have all sorts of laws in place that can help you choose a day care that is healthy and safe. Also, and this is a big thing here, once kids start school it's assumed that most of them have been in a day care, so that most of them should already be socialized. By three years old they are expected to understand how group interactions work, and kids who don't have that kind of learning start off behind. They catch up, but they do start off behind the rest of the pack.

There are many good reasons for day care over here. I did that for Charlie because, A) like you, I thought I'd go bonkers if I stayed home alone with him all day. I'm an extrovert and don't make a very good housewife; b) because I think that there are better ways for Charlie to spend his day than bouncing in his bouncer while I fold laundry; and C) he loves other kids. We didn't find this out until he started day care, but it turns out that he actually gets stroppy if he doesn't get to go. He loves his DCP with his whole heart and adores the other children.

That's us.

You, however, are in a different position and have to make whatever choices you can.

I think that the choice to let them go for a month is right out. It would be for me. As a last resort, okay, but not before anything else.

You seem pretty uncomfortable with the day-care idea, and that's fine and fine and fine. So day care is out.

Staying home is no good if you're going to go bonkers. The kids need a good caregiver, not someone who's upset and frustrated (and I say this as someone who has this reaction to being home for long periods of time).

As I see it that leaves you with choice 1. Borrow your mom's maid. If she would like to, let your mom help out. There are a thousand ways you can pay her back, with dinner or a gift or a vacation or something, and there's no harm in letting the kids spend serious time with grandma. We had my mother-in-law here for a week and she had Charlie all day and they both LOVED it.

In no time the new maid will have a handle on the kid's schedule so your mom should be able to get a break and walk away if she needs to.

Hang in there. I don't judge you at all. Day care was the right choice for us, and here in the states it's a real asset, but that doesn't mean that it's right for everyone.

You're doing good. Hang in there.


Twinsmom said...

Along, I totally on the 1st option, I wish my mom can help taking care of the kids, and some more together with a maid can do house work.
after all it is just for a month, don't feel sorry to trouble your own mother, as a mother we know we will do everything to our kid to make their live easier, the kid happy mother happy too, so if your mom willing to help, your happy your mother will be happy too.

Twinsmom said...
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Twinsmom said...
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Joe said...

Option 4: Your mom picks up Adam, then heads off to your place. At least, the 3 tots have each other as company. And I, no longer have to be a part time chauffeur :D

Joe said...

Dang it! Tak reti kira kah aku?

That should've been Option 5 :D

5xmom said...

Choice #3 if you have the luxury of taking a month's leave. If paling teruk, you can always opt for #1, #2. #2 is hard 'cos the kids need time to adjust to new environment and they do get sick often when mixed with other kids. Ok, I am a wet blanket.