Lost in Translation

My staff gave me this recipe booklet the other day, apparently from a restaurant of a famous Malaysian chef. I laughed until I cried when I read the recipe instructions, translated in Malay (in italics).

For example, step #2.
Place paper cases in muffin tins.
Kertas tempat kes-kes dalam muffin mengetinkan.

And step #6.
Spoon the mixture into the paper cases and bake for 25 min or so until well risen and just firm.
Mengaut campuran kepada kes-kes kertas dan membakar untuk 25 min atau supaya sehingga telaga naik dan sungguh tegas.
(well risen = telaga naik? Just firm = sungguh tegas? OMG!!)

Step #2.
Add the prawns, stir fry for 2 minutes and then add in the vegetables. Stir fry till cooked.
Menambah udang itu, goreng selama 2 minit dan kemudian campur semua sayur-sayuran itu. Mesin daftar tunai goreng dimasak.
(I had to rack my brain a bit but I finally figured out "till" = mesin daftar tunai. Sigh.)

And step #4.
Serve immediately garnished with the chives and chili strips.
Berkhidmat lantas dihias dengan kucai dan jalur-jalur cili.

Step #4.
Thread a few chicken pieces into the wooden skewers.
Benang kepingan-kepingan takut beberapa kepada pencucuk kayu itu.
(OMG...chicken = takut? Are you chicken??)

Step #6.
Alternatively, deep fry the satay and drain on absorbent paper.
Secara altenatif, anak ikan dalam sate dan parit pada kertas serap.
(Drain = parit...oh, the humanity!!)

Step #2.
Pound the first 9 ingredients and smear on the fish slices.
Menghentam dahulu 9 bahan-bahan dan mencemarkan pada ikan memotong.
(OK, by the time I was reading this part, I was laughing too hard and just trying to breathe.)

Step #2.
Add in the drained basmati rice and stir fry for 1 minute.
Ditambah masuk beras basmati sangat lemah dan goreng untuk 1 minit.
(Drained basmati rice = beras basmati sangat lemah. Mengapakahhhhhh!!!!)

Step #3.
Transfer to rice cooker, add water, milk, salt and colouring. Stir to combine well. Switch on rice cooker.
Pindah ke periuk nasi, menambah air, susu, garam dan pewarna. Kacau untuk bergabung baik. Memasang periuk nasi.

Ok..ok..I can't type anymore. I feel kind of bad for the chef who's name is associated with this recipe booklet, especially since his face is plastered on each page. This should serve as a lesson to all celebrities; please vet through everything that goes on in your business.