Random Advice

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. Especially when we’re all waiting for the lift to come and there’re five other people waiting with us. If looks could kill, you would have found yourself died within minutes, missing half a tongue.



To the slow b***h on the road yesterday, for your information, the lane on the right hand side is for FAST cars. Not pathetic, slow, crawling drivers like you. I suggest you look in your rear view mirror more often, and not just to apply make up, coz seriously madam, you don’t need it. Plastic surgery, maybe...but not more make up. And don’t look so puffed up coz I flashed you with my headlights and pressed on the horn twice. I am not a road bully, nor am I a manic driver. I’m just someone who was in desperate need for the toilet.



If you have new information that can be passed over the phone or via email, please do so. We do not have to meet up and huddle every time you make a sale or secure a sponsor. I have only so much time to spare and frankly I would rather spend that time playing online games than hear you talk. Seriously, if I had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

The Best News This Week

Just look at that face. Doesn’t he look cute? Don’t you just want to pinch those chubby cheeks? Hold, caress and kiss his sweet smelling hair forever?

No wonder he was stolen from the hospital just 6 hours after he was born. A nationwide search took place to find him. After 24 hours, the chances looked slim. Pictures of the parents crying on each others’ shoulders graced the front pages of every major newspaper.

That night, every parent held their children a little closer.

But today is a happy day. The authorities, based on some tips from the public, have found him, and according to reports, he's doing ok.

The parents are jubilant. So is every other parent in Malaysia.

With so much bad news going around, I just had to share this good one with everyone.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

We Have the Next Oprah in the Making

“ Kak Long pi mana tadi.”
“ Ikut Makcik Anom. Tadikan, kak long kan, lalu kat situ kan, dengar bunyi frog.”
“ Macamana bunyi frog tu?”
“ Dia cakap Kuang, help me, help me, tolong saya, tolong saya.”
“ Frog tu cakap help me? Banyak ke frog tu?”
“Banyak. Ada one only.”
“Ye ke? What color was the frog?”
“Warna dia gelaaaaapp. White...black.”
“Lepas tu..kak long buat apa?”
“ Kak long tengok mata dia, macam ni.” (makes huge saucer-like eyes)
“Ye ke? Kak long tak takut.”
“Kak long tak takut. Kak long suruh Makcik Anom dukung jer.”

Sigh...I wonder where she gets her imagination from. But don’t you love it when toddlers ramble off to ya.

Nowadays she’s been singing the ABC song. She gets most of it right.

Ai Bi See Dee Eee Ef Geeee...Aich, Jai, Jay, Kay, El, Em, O, O , Peeee
Que, Arrr, Asshh, Tee, You, Vee...Double You, Axe, Whyyy, Zeedd.

When she wants something: Please ibu/abah/kakak, Kak Long nak ___________ (insert desired thing), boleh taaaaaaaaaaaakkk?

Of course, she’s become very anal about her Thank You’s and Welcome. Blast those who forget to say welcome to her after she’s said Thank You.

“Abah cakap welcome tak kat Kak Long?”

Out Damn Tooth, OUT!!

Dina has started teething and so far it’s been a long and painful process. Today is Day 5. Overall, hubby and I have managed to function on a total of 15 hours sleep, collectively. It's amazing we can stand up straight.

With Dania, teething was no sweat. We hardly noticed when it happened; all of a sudden she was sporting four new teeth, 2 uppers and two downers.

With Dina, it’s been like hell. And to add on to that, she’s started to get extra clingy. Especially with me. She wants me to breastfeed her but she doesn’t want to suckle. 2, 3 times waking up at night is still bearable but after the 5th time I just wanna jump off a cliff. Hubby is trying to help all he can but most of the time he’s like If my breasts could produce milk, I would breastfeed her. But I can’t. It would take an Act of God. So please, just go breastfeed her coz she’s stopped crying softly and has now proceeded to start screaming.

Ah, the screaming. Or SHRIEKING is more like it. I don’t know when it started but it’s now become her preferred way of letting us know that ALL IS NOT WELL in her world and EVERYONE SUCKS, therefore I must scream at the top of my voice coz my teeth hurt and my ibu won’t breastfeed me anymore.

I’m hoping her mood will improve today and she’ll be able to sleep better tonight. Her suckers are out already, I can feel them. I breastfeed her, remember?!!

******************************************************

In other news:

1. I test drived the Toyota Innova. I don’t know why I do this; I talk, think and dream about MPVs then get all riled up coz I can’t afford them. Then I go plunge a stake in my own heart by reading the reviews or test driving them. It’s a sickness I tell you, a sickness.

2. I bought a new handphone. The E398 has restored my faith in Motorola as a mobile device manufacturer and diminished my obsession with Nokia. It rocks!!

Aspire...I think not

We’ve been asked to do our Career Profile for our new CEO coz apparently reading what your employees aspire for the company is much easier than hearing them bullshit it to your face.

In it, there’s a column that asks for our “Personal Aspirations.”

I have no idea what to put there.

5 years at this joint and all my aspirations have been sucked dry. I’m just hanging on the edge of my fingertips for the next 5 years so I can quit without half a million ringgit worth of debts on my head and start up my own business or better yet sit on my fat ass at home and channel surf with the kids.

Side note: My ass is not fat. OK, not THAT fat.

So I’m staring at the computer screen, drumming my fingers at what to type.

What I REALLY want to type is as follows:

PERSONAL ASPIRATIONS.

1. To compete in the next Miss Universe and win the Miss Congeniality award.
2. To win a million dollars or a new house/car/facial wash.
3. To be able to get over my obsessions with MPVs. Seriously, it’s just killing me right now.
4. To be able to apply make up in 5 minutes flat and have it last all day long. No shiny clown-like noses by lunchtime.
5. To be able to make it through the day without yelling at the kids for being just kids.
6. To travel to Paris and spit from the top of Eiffel Tower.
7. To meet Raul Gonzales in person.
8. To be good at one musical instrument. And the triangle or the bloody cymbals doesn’t count.
9. To travel to a poor 3rd World Country and adopt a child.
10. To be the best daughter, sister, wife and mother I can possibly be.

I wonder...would they give me a raise or fire me if I wrote all that?

Money Talks, Jackson Walks

Seriously! What is the world coming to? The news of Michael Jackson found not guilty of all charges including child molestation has me reeling inside. Why are some people just so darn stupid?!! OK, MAYBE he didn’t molest the children, or act out any sexual fantasies with them. That’s a BIG MAYBE. Just the fact that he admitted, HE ADMITTED (God, we have him saying it on tape!!), to sleeping with the children in the same bed, should have been enough for people to step back and think “GROWN MEN DON”T SLEEP WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S CHILDREN!!!”

So what if the mother of the victim seemed a little disturbed? If you found out your son or daughter might have been molested by someone, wouldn’t you have lost it a little?

Now there’s talk about how he wants to revive his career and go on tour. God Almighty, enough already. GO AWAY! Just...go back to your fairyland, neverland, whatever the hell you call your home and stay there. Just stay there and grow old, ok? Spend time with your own kids for a change. (The fact this fella HAS kids is another topic that makes my blood boil, but that’s another entry altogether).

Please, please Mr. Michael Jackson. Please go away. You’re creepy and disturbing. You sleep with little boys. There’s no two ways about it. It’s not right but because you’re a superstar and have lots of money, some people think its ok.

It’s not!!

Ps: For another fantastic post on the same topic, please visit MaryBishop.

It was Baddd, but Now It's Good

I’m ok now. A little sore but overall doing much better. I finally had to go for the operation; it was unavoidable. The antibiotics weren’t working and the painkillers were taking ½ hour to take effect and only seemed to work for 5 minutes after that. I was in pain and not just any pain. I couldn’t move, couldn’t talk, couldn’t breathe. I was crying in front of the kids which was confusing for them coz I kept telling them everything was ok with tears running down my face.

To all you single people out there; when looking for a mate, make sure he/she is willing to bathe you, clean you, dress you and carry you to the car when you’re in too much pain to move.
To all you married ones; are you sure you or your better half is willing to do the same?

Ps: Not forgetting to all those people who dropped by and posted get well comments on my previous post. Thank you for your kind wishes.

Pps: At least I got a lot of reading done while in the hospital. I’m on my 5th Narnia book now.

Why Everyone Should Be Extra Nice to Me Today

I am in pain. My old sickness has come back to haunt me. How on earth did I get it again? Ever since the first time I got it, I’ve been extra careful. Now my sanity depends on antibiotics and painkillers. God, how I love painkillers!! I pray to god the antibiotics work. I do not want to have to go for another operation.

I hope nobody bothers me at work today. My handphone is still kaput so there’s a good chance people won’t be able to contact me. I’m in no mood to talk to blubbering idiots. They should know better than to mess with a woman on drugs.

If I Can't Have my Husband, I'll Take A Good Book Instead

My handphone is dead and I just spent RM120.30 on books at MPH. Not just any books; the ENTIRE SET OF THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA. All 7 books. I glad to know I have my priorities straight.

With hubby gone for the weekend (sis-in-law's wedding in Kelantan, guy's side), I’m frantic for an activity after the kids have fallen asleep. You can only watch reruns of Fear Factor and CSI so many times.

7 new books for me to devour. What a glorious weekend this will be.

Wjhat's in Your Reading Corner?

Krissy tagged me with this blog challenge a few days back. The reason she tagged me - "because she's from a different culture than I am and I'm sure will have interesting answers." Talk about pressure!!! I’ve finally found the time to write down my answers. Krissy, I hope I don’t disappoint you.

1) Total number of books I've owned: Since I was born? Or what I’ve bought with my own money? Either way, I have waaaaaaaay too many. Hundreds, I would guess. To give you an impression of how many books I have, they’re all scattered in three different houses; mine, my mom’s and my mom’s rented apartment. THAT’S how many books I have. I’m obsessed with buying books. Since I became a mom, I’ve slowed down a bit. Every time I pick up a new book and look at the price, I always find myself thinking “OK, this can buy me either a whole bundle of diapers or a large can of formula.” Nowadays, I rent books. It’s cheaper but sometimes I end up keeping the books coz it’s too much of a hassle to go to the book store to return them. It’s a vicious endless cycle.

2) The last book I bought: Do children’s books count? I recently bought several Islamic children’s book from my colleague who had a friend who was a dealer for the online store, www.ummikusayang.com. I brought a few books from the Hilmy the Hippo collection (Hilmy the Hippo Learns Not to Lie, Hilmy the Hippo Learns About Vanity, Hilmy the Hippo Becomes a Hero), which Dania just loves.

3) The last book I read: Believe it or not, it was Working@Home – A Guidebook for Working Moms and Homemakers. You can check it out here . I bought this book coz (and I’ve said this many times), I intend to open up my own business in 5 years. The book is pretty interesting (I’ve only read it halfway through) and it gives you a detailed outline of what you really need if you’re seriously thinking of starting a business from home.

Yeah, I’m boring like that. Sigh.

4) 5 books that mean a lot to me: This is a tricky question. Would books I’ve read over and over again fall into this category? Coz if so, then Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire would be one of them. Yes, I AM A HARRY POTTER FAN!! There. I’ve said it out loud. Deal with it.

Another book I love would be “What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day”, by Pearl Cleage. The book deals with pretty heavy themes; HIV, crack addiction, child abuse, teen pregnancy, suicide, domestic violence that one may question why is this book so enjoyable. The main character, Ava Johnson, is a African American women who suddenly finds herself HIV positive. Instead of breaking down, she sells her salon in Atlanta (I love it when they call it “The Black Mecca”) and heads back home to stay with her sister. There she faces even more challenges, but with the help and support of her family and friends, she finds hope...and love. The way the book is written is sort of like a diary that you can’t help but feel everything that Ava feels. When she temporary loses custody of a crack addicted baby her sister and she have been raising, you can’t help but cry. The characters in the book are not very happy but you can feel that they want to be. All in all, a very entertaining book that deals with real life issues in a very thought-provoking way.

A Time To Kill by John Grisham. I love lawyer themed books, especially John Grisham’s. This one is one of my favorites. The beginning of the story starts out gruesomely enough; a 10 year old black girl is brutally raped and left for dead by two drunken white men. The father of the child, Carl Lee, takes revenge by blowing away the rapists at the courthouse after preliminary hearings. The entire town is divided on whether Carl Lee should be given a medal or punished for his deed. The books deals with racism, something some of us deal with on a daily basis, but is usually hushed up because it’s not “polite” talk. The book got me emotionally involved (even though I wasn’t a mother yet when I first read it) with all the characters, especially Carl Lee. It’s hard to imagine such hatred can exist in our society but in reality it does. Just watch the 8 o’clock news.

Cujo by Stephen King. This book stuck with me for a very long time. It’s not just because dogs are my #1 fear but the way King wrote it, you get the feeling like “This could actually happen in real life.” Taking a step back, it’s really all about a very nice BIG dog who turned nasty on a mother and her son, trapped in a broken down car. Simple plot but the characters are so tragically explained...you just have to read it for yourself. I much prefer the book to the movie version (which doesn’t do justice to the story at all, IMHO), even if the book has a tragic ending, that I never really did anticipate. This was one of those books I couldn’t put down until the end, even though I was thoroughly spooked out and was mentally screaming at myself DO NOT TURN THE PAGE!!!

The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus. Everyone who’s a parent should read this book, regardless whether or not you have a nanny. It’s funny, witty and utterly entertaining. Saying that it also has it sad moments. A very interesting look into the world of having to care someone else’s child, both loving and hating the job at the same time. Be prepared with lots of tissues at the end.

5) Tag 5 people and have them fill this out on their blogs:
Kampung Gal – coz she works in a book store and DEFINATELY reads a lot of interesting books.
5xMom – coz she seems wise and I want to know what a mother of 5 has time to read.
Mary Bishop – coz she’s funny and I know she’ll have some very interesting answers.
Nadya – coz I know she loves reading too.
Sput – coz he now lives in France and I wanna know if he has time to read anything else other than French poetry.