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Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Down That Road Again

So now I am on medical leave for a week. It had to be done with. After much hope and much prayers, the doctor concluded that the baby had no heartbeat and our only option was to do (another!!) D&C.

What? And I jumping ahead here? I didn't tell you guys I was pregnant in the first place?

*sigh*

Well, I was. 8 weeks to be exact. Things were going smoothly, or so I thought. My MS had reared its ugly head around week 7 so I though, hey, everything is in order. Just 30 or so more weeks of projectile vomiting and we'll have that addition to the family.

As the saying goes, if you wanna make God laugh, start making plans.

Luckily I didn't announce the news to a lot of people; just a handful at the office. My mom. My MIL. The girls. My business partner, Ida. Saves me the task of having to go through the story again and again.

How am I feeling? Physically I'm doing ok. Just a little bit of bleeding and some soreness. Nothing some painkillers can't take care of.

Emotionally? I'm sad. Sad to the point I feel numb. Numb to the point I can't believe this happened to us again (and again). For the 3rd time. In a row!!

Part of me is saying, "it's ok, we'll try again, takde rezeki" and all that shit. Another part of me is screaming, "WTF!!!! Again?!! Fine!! That's it, I'm throwing in the towel. No more trying. It's just too tiring. Physically, emotionally, spiritually..."

The kids are disappointed. Hubby is beyond grief. Despite the side effects of the anesthetic, I find myself unable to sleep.

Why? Why?

I got myself a new gynae, not because I was unhappy with my old one but because this new hospital was just 10 minutes from our home. She's nice and was very sympathetic with our case. We decided to do some chromosome and DNA tests with the baby and also with my blood, which they took pints of. We expect to get some results within a month.

Until then, it's business as usual. I guess we won't be getting that MPV this year either. Heh..

10 comments:

poji said...

salam along & shid,
simpati dengan nasib yang menimpa korang ...harap korang berdua kuat dan tabah menerima ujian Dia.Aturan Dia semua bersebab ..dan hanya Dia saja yang tahu..

hari ni 2 berita sedih aku terima ..1. hubby Fatim , Rizal(germany) accident semalam, quite serious aku dah gi ziarah tadi di hospital serdang .. pastu nak tido ni ..dengar citer pasal korang pulak ..
aku doakan agar semua recover balik secepatnya ..

Along said...

Poji: Thanks for dropping by. Ye lah, sebagai org Islam, kita kena redha. Nak buat camne lagi...

Hal Rizal (Rakok) tu, aku tau. Actually kitaorg pun pi melawat dia kat hospital tadi, after aku kena discharge tadi. Time kitaorg mai, dia tengah tido. Lalok dek painkiller kot. Borak ngan Fatim, alhamdulillah, takayh operate cuma patah collarbone. Somehow, dia tercantum semula. Must be painful. Aku pun doakan dia cepat sembuh..tengok Fatim pun sian, letih je semalaman tak tido.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry to hear about that. You have my sympathies, and I look forward to getting to read more of your blog.

Kaklong Syikin said...

salam,

benar ALong..sungguh meletihkan bila berhadapan perkara yg sama berulang2 apatah lagi kita begitu mengharapkannya.

sesedih saya, sedih lagi Along dn keluarga. Saya doakn akan ada rezeki baby lagi. kata org, selagi ada hayat, selagi tulah berusaha.

ada hikmah disebaliknya, yelah dngn Along sibuk ngan spa ni mana tau kalau pregnant tu takut menjejaskan kesihatan Along n baby. Jadi, satu persatulah tu Allah beri dulu (agaknyalah).

Dan bukan calang2 org dipilih utk terima ujian camni. Allong salah sorang yg terpilih tu..insyaAllah, pahala Along redha dan sabar tu berganda2 banyaknya.

Ada sorang mama blogger tu, sepatutnya ada 7 anak dah. tp sbb dia asyik miscarriage aje, 2 aje anaknya. Yang sulung dngn yg ke 7 ni. Dulu pun dia sampai rasa semacam asyik gugur aje..tp berkat sabar dan Allah izinkan dia punya anak lagi, maka baby yg terbaru ni mmg satu rahmat bagi mereka. KUat Along ya.

moby said...

Hope you're feeling better today, despite the very difficult time you're going through. Take care, ok?

zarina said...

sorry i didnt know.i just got back from kl.take care ok.

DeeDee said...

So sorry to read about the loss for you and your family. I pray you feel better soon and know in your heart that God has a plan and even though it's hard right now it will get better.

Didn't mean to drop in and be all preachy but I had a friend who went through a similar situation and I truly believe the only thing that got her out of bed was her faith in God's plan!

On a lighter note, I found your blog through DadGoneMad. I've posted a complete list of everyone who left their blog link on his Big Big Stars post in a post of my own called Blog Rolling With My Homies over on my blog, so if you want to see it come on over and sit a spell. I don't bite..…that hard anyway!

me said...

Along,
have never been in your situation so i won't claim i know how you feel (coz I don't) but a very dear and close relative of mine went through similar experience. 6 misscariages and 2 ectopic pregnancies which had to be removed (the first time together with her left fallopian tube) before she got her one and only princess. Even then, she went through a very difficult pregnancy with multitute of complication. And both mother and child survive.

So heads up. It may seem difficult (easier said than done, I know!) but Allah has some great plans for you and your family, insyaallah... :)

-jo-

Along said...

Thanks to all who stopped by. We're doing ok. Just taking it one day at a time.

aapitz said...

along...

so sorry to hear this again... be strong

Aper pon yang terjadi...Allah dah tetapkan inilah yang terbaik untuk kita..

Take care...and hope you recover soon