Healing

I'm still on MC, eventhough technically I've run out of MCs for the year. So I guess that means my time off will be taken from my annual leave. But no worries, since I have tons of those.



The past 2 days have been spent over at the hospital. My gynae was surprised and saddened to hear about my miscarriage so she immediately wanted me to undergo a couple of tests, since her diagnosis for the miscarriage was yet another "chromosome abnormality".



So yesterday I spent the whole morning at the hospital. When they said they were going to do blood tests, they forgot to mention that I had to be there for 3 hours and they had to stick me with the needle 3 times!! I was starving by the time they had finished with me (since I was on a fasting diet and all I had to drink was glucose) so I went to Carrefore Subang for lunch. I was craving for some Fajitas over at Ayamas and was disappointed when I found out the restaurant had changed and they no longer served fajitas. Shucks!! Last2, makan kat food court jer. Hmmm...



Then I went over to Maybank to bank in the kids duit raya and hubby's and I ASB money. Luckily I went to the branch over at Tractor; not a lot of people were there and it only took me 15 minutes. It was raining by the time I had finished but I made a run for the car and got a little wet.



It was almost 3.30pm at that time so I decided to head home and see how the kids were doing. But when I got to my neighborhood, the rain had stopped, so I decided to go for a facial. Just one hour of bliss and pampering was enough to put me into a better mood.



I'm still waiting for the results on my blood and urine tests and I may still have to go for more tests; my gynae wanted to make sure both hubby and I were fit and ok for the next pregnancy. She did however caution me against getting pregnant at least for the next 2 months, which sucks because I just want to be pregnant right now so bad. But I have to do what's right and maybe I really should just chill and take it easy from now on.



Now if I can just talk hubby into taking the kids for a big holiday in December, just to get away from everything for a while. Hello, Sayang....how, can ah? :D



ps: To all those who called and smsed me to wish me well, thank you so much. Sorry I couldn't reply coz my simcard is on the brink. Thanks again.

Another Loss

So how has your raya been so far? For me, it's been a time of gaining and a time of lost.

What did I gain? I gained a few pounds, that's for sure. Days of eating ketupat, rendang, lontong and the usual raya entries have wreck havoc on my so-called diet. But who cares, it's raya!! I've also gained back a few relatives, both old and new. Congratulations to my cousin, Aisyah and her hubby, Faizal on the birth of their 1st baby girl, just 2 days before raya. May you both experience the joy of parenthood and good luck with getting any sleep the next 6 months!!

I've gained memories, pictures, experiences....so much during this raya season.

And I've also lost a baby.

*Sigh*

Yes, I wanted to announce some good news before raya but decided against it as it was still too early. Even in the office, only a handful of people knew about my pregnancy. In my family, I only told my hubby, the children, my mom and my sister-in-law.

I guess some part of me knew something was going to go wrong.

Here's what happened; I suffered a miscarriage on the 4th day of raya. I was nearly 9 weeks pregnant at the time.

It happened so suddenly and without warning. I woke up at 3am to go to the toilet and it just...came out.

The sack.

My baby.

I think I screamed. Or maybe I just groaned. But I know I cried. I remember feeling hot tears running down my face.

I woke up hubby and told him what had happened. He told me to go back to sleep and took care of the mess I had made in the toilet. I fell asleep in his arms, crying.

I woke up again at 6.30am and found that I had started to bleed out. Hubby took me to the hospital for a check-up. As we were at my uncle's house at Chaah, the nearest private hospital was the Pantai Medical Center in Batu Pahat. It was the longest one-hour ride I had ever taken.

After waiting for the doctor for nearly 2 hours, it was confirmed that my miscarriage was incomplete and I had to undergo a D&C to clean out my womb. Surprisingly I was calm before and after the procedure. The heaviness in my heart had made me numb from feeling anything.

I had wanted this pregnancy to be ok so much. When I started bleeding (more like spotting) 3 weeks before, I took precautions but because I hadn't started to feel any morning sickness, it was hard to limit my activities. I wasn't bleeding that much, and I experienced no stomach aches or things like that. When I went for a check-up just 2 days before raya, everything seemed ok. The baby was doing fine, its heartbeat was strong.

So what went wrong?

I could name so many factors leading to my miscarriage; stress, fasting, long travelling periods in the car, the bleeding. I think the fact that I wasn't having any morning sickness was also a sign on its own that something was wrong as I had severe MS during all 3 of my previous pregnancies. It hurts to think that this could have been prevented if I had taken more precautions.

Losing 2 babies in a year is really hard on my emotions. I feel like crying but I know that crying won't bring my unborn children back. Reliving the situation in my head also just gets me depressed.

I so wanted to be pregnant. I was so pleasantly surprised when the pregnancy result came back positive.

We're going to try again. Soon, I hope. And maybe this time, everything will work out. Kita hanya boleh merancang, Allah saja yang menentukan.

Ya Allah. Berikanlah aku kesabaran dan ketenteraman jiwa untuk menghadapi dugaan ini. Sesungguhnya segala rezeki itu datang dariMu, kepada Kau saja aku memohon, kepada kau aku berserah. Amin.

Malaysia Does History!!

Yesterday was a fine day for Malaysians when Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor became the first Malaysian to blast off into space.

Wow. Our very own Astronaut.

And on our 50th Merdeka year too.

What an achievement for our small country.

As we watched the launch from our TV set, my eyes filled up with happy tears. The girls were so excited to see the big flames coming out from the rocket and were intrigued when later they showed the astronauts floating around in zero gravity atmosphere.

As I look at my girls, a thought comes to my mind. Maybe they too will create history for Malaysia when they grow up. Perhaps they will be able to find a cure for cancer or AIDS. Perhaps they will write the next book sensation, like Harry Potter. Maybe they'll be the first Malaysians to walk on Mars.

With this history making event, who knows what the future holds for the children of Malaysia.

My prayers go out to Dr Sheikh Muszaphar. Semoga selamat pergi dan selamat pulang. You've done your country proud!!

MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!

Selamat Hari Raya!!

I still owe Dina her 3rd Birthday Note, which I have written halfway but still haven't downloaded the pictures to go along (excuses, excuses). Hopefully I'll get it all done before we all go off for raya holidays, which is this coming Saturday.

Raya!! Yeah. Well, not so much for me. Getting old somehow means raya doesn't hold the same kind of excitement as it did when I was a kid. Maybe because now I have to give out the angpows instead of getting them. Haha. I didn't even buy any new clothes or shoes or handbags or even kuih raya for that matter. So no need to come to my house for open house kay, coz I have NADA to offer. Huh. Fortunately my MIL made one baju kurung for me and the girls and my mom bought a few gowns (for the girls only). So at least during the first day of raya, we'll all be wearing something new, with the exception of hubby. Baju tahun lepas pun pakai sekali jer.

So what's our plan for raya this year? This year, KL will be our first station, mainly my grandma's house. Then in the afternoon, maybe after Asar, we'll head off to Melaka. Probably stay there for a few days then head off to Segamat to see my other grandma. Then maybe we'll head back to Melaka and then back to KL. Not much travelling, thank god, coz fortunately hubby's kampung and mine are not that far from each other (Muar & Segamat).

The office is so quiet now, a lot of people have already gone off for their raya holiday. I'll still be in the office tomorrow, only taking Friday off because we were forced to.

So anyway, here's to all Muslims around the world. Happy Raya Aidilfitri. For those going back home, please take care on the road. Let's not any of us end up being part of a statistic this raya season. For those who are having open house, heheheh, tak nak ajak kita mai melawat ke?

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI. MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.

Bonus?

It's 5.30pm and I'm still stuck in a meeting. Talking about the TM demerger and the impact on us all. To me, the first thing that comes to mind is...no more bonuses!! Hahaha..


This morning I went for my SmartOrange training since I missed it last week. Kejap je rupanya, so I had time to go to the bank to add up my ASB savings. I saw a funny thing there; all the bankers at the counters were wearing a big button that said "Banks ROB our Bonus".


Ahhh...really ah?


Oya, today was my first day driving the new car. Hehehehe, bestnya. Thank you to hubby for letting me pau the car.

Ramadhan So Far..

It's freezing in the office. No matter how I curdle up in my sweater and reposition myself, I just can't get 100% of my body to be warm. My hands feel like frostbite and I'm not sure if I still have any toes. I think they've fallen off.

Add to my agony, I didn't wake up for sahur this morning. When I finally opened my eyes, it was already mengaji time, meaning I had only 5 minutes to dash to the kitchen and gulp a glass of water; something not advisable when you're still reeling from a very weird dream revolving your ex-classmate who you had a secret crush on.

Oya, by the way, I still haven't gotten around to wish everyone Happy Fasting. So here it is;

HAPPY FASTING, GUYS AND GALS!!!!

The fasting month has been kind of mellow for me. So far, no hotel invites by any vendors, boo hoo. But then I think breaking fast at hotels are so overrated, especially at the exorbitant prices they charge. I mean, how much can you eat for RM100 or so. Even if they do serve you lobster and salmon. I would rather sit down at home and have some chicken curry or mee rebus with the kids.

Hubby and I were supposed to go for a Buka Puasa at Eastin Hotel today but hubby had to go to Melaka for a meeting so we cancelled. We do however, have the annual Buka Puasa at Singgahsana Hotel this Sunday that ayah gets invited to every year. Looking forward to that, the food is always great!! Plus we get to bring the kids, so basically we'll have the whole table to ourselves (7 adults, 2 kids). I'm kind of surprise, pleasantly though that some vendors still invite ayah for these occasions eventhough he's retired.

Can't believe we're already half way through Ramadhan. Haven't made much preparations for Raya, still need to go buy Dina some new shoes. Other than that, it's going to be a pretty frugal holiday.

Again, Happy Fasting ya'all.

It's Time for Some Good Things To Happen

So much has happened since my last post, I don't know where to begin. A lot of not so great things have happened so let's get those out of the way.


My grandpa was admitted into the hospital.

Yeah, all because he took too many "julabs" (apo nama ni in English? oya, laxatives.) and got drastic diarrhea. Then to add trouble, he took some sleeping pills and almost couldn't get up from bed. Yeah, having to go when you can hardly keep your eyes open is not fun. Especially for the person that has to clean up after you!! Poor atok had to spend a few days in the hospital, which he hated with all his might, but thankfully he's recovered.

My grandma was admitted into the hospital.

OK, I know my grandma is old but I hate seeing her actually being old. She's like the glue that keeps our family together, so the thought of not having her around is unthinkable. Apparently my grandma is too old for fasting; her blood pressure shot through the roof. She's doing much better now thanks to bottles and bottles of drip but still kind of weak. I took the kids twice to see her and they both felt very sad to see their nenek-nina-nina sick. This is a picture of my grandma with Dania when she was just a few days old. She looks just the same today, except older. Sigh....

A mat rempit hit our car.

Grrrr, I still feel very angry about this. Stupid mamat, some part of me wishes he had broken his leg or worst. The bad part of it all was that we had the kids in the car during the accident. Poor kids were so shaken up by the experience. And to think that stupid kid had the guts to lie in his police report and say that we had run the red light, instead of him. Grrrrr!!!


On the brighter side, my parents are back from Umrah. Ibu bought the kids loads of clothes for raya, hehehe..takyah beli. Ayah shaved his head bald, looks really funny. Oya, hubby and I finally made a HUGE purchase..something we've been talking about for ages. Can you guess? When it arrives, I'll let you guys in on the secret.


For now, I'll think I'll go for my bath and afternoon nap.

Stop and Live

I received this in my inbox courtesy of a good friend. With everything that's happened these past few weeks, it made me stop and think for a while.

******************************************************
Along time ago, there was an Emperor who told his horseman that if he could ride on his horse and cover as much land area as he likes, then the Emperor would give him the area of land he has covered.

Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible. When he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as much area as possible.

Came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and he was exhausted and was dying. Then he asked himself, "Why did I push myself so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a very small area to bury myself."


The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health , time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love.


One day when we look back, we will realize that we don't really need that much , but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.


Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition .

Life is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life.

Life is a balance of Work and Play, Family and Personal time.


You have to decide how you want to balance your Life.

Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your instincts.

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence.


So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature.

Life is fragile , Life is short.

Do not take Life for granted.

Live a balanced lifestyle and enjoy Life!

*******************************************************
*Artwork by Rudolf Bauer

My Friend's Loss

Last week, a good friend of mine lost her husband unexpectedly. Details are still hazy but apparently it could have been a heart attack. He passed away in his sleep, at 3am.

News of his death reached me early that Friday morning courtesy from an sms from an old schoolmate. It shook me to the core; arwah was my age, in fact we were old schoolmates.

My heart bleeds for my friend and her three beautiful daughters. I sent her an sms, expressing my sadness. I wanted to call but didn't feel strong enough. I was scared I would be the one crying my eyes out when it is my friend who needs all the support she can get now.

As I spent the weekend digesting the news, I got to thinking; arwah was considered quite active, playing futsal on a regular basis. Yet his sudden death goes to show that good food and exercise does not ensure a long and healthy life. Maybe arwah had some illness that I don't know about, but through my almost daily YM's with my friend, she never mentioned any health problems.

What about me? I hardly ever exercise nowadays, just the occasional taebo. Hubby? Lagilah!! Scary...to think maybe we too are walking time bombs.

When I received the news, hubby was not around, off with his friends on his guy-bonding trip to Tawau. It pained me to think, just 4 days away from hubby and I was already feeling so lonely. I can't begin to imagine how my friend must be feeling right now.

Z, if you're reading this, please no I am praying for you and the kids. Please, please call me if you need anything. Be strong.

On the Iron Snake

I'm sitting in the lrt, listening to the hustles of a hectic day. My eyes are half closed, thanks to lack of sleep and an empty stomach.

A Chinese girl sits beside me. Chubby, sexy, wearing a see-through tank top and micro denim skirt.

As she fumbles with her first class imitation Gucci bag and crosses her legs, I see the Malay guy in front of me sneak a peek.

Ok, now he's just plain starring.

Dude, Ramadhan is coming. Latihlah mata tu untuk berpuasa.