Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I Just Want Her to be Happy and Safe...and Popular, God Damn It!

So yesterday Hubby and I took the day off. We hadn’t taken the Agong’s Birthday Holiday yet and yesterday was the last day to take it before it expired. Isn’t it funny how now we have holidays that expire?

Anyhow, we intended to spend the day movie watching; either Batman Begins, Madagascar or War of the Worlds. Instead we spent it lazing around in the house and sleeping in a heap with the girls in front of the TV, which if you ask me was a much nicer choice anyway.

Around 6pm, I took the kids out for our evening stroll to the playground. There were a few girls there playing together, so Dania, being her usual curious and friendly self, walked up to them and said hi.

While the other girls said hi back and genuinely wanted to include her in their play, there was one little B***H who looked at Dania and said out loud “Kita tak nak kawan awak!!” (I don’t want to friend you!!).

Dania, thinking this was all in jest, just continued playing with the other girls. This was until they all decided to play Catch. Guess who was IT? Of course, as I curiously watched the girls playing, I soon realized the reason they picked that game was so they could run away from my beautiful, friendly child, who would never harm anyone and just really wants to be friends with everyone she meets.

So there was my child, running, trying to catch up with the other girls. Whenever she got close, the girls would run away again and Dania would try to keep up. And of course, the little Miss B kept on shouting “Tak nak kawan awak!! Tak nak kawan awak!!”.

It was heartbreaking, as a mother, to see my little girl in that situation. Finally I went up to her and invited her to play on the swings with her sister. She pointed to the other girls and said, “Kak Long nak main ngan kawan.” (I want to play with these girls).

So of course, being the hard headed person I am, I said in a very loud voice, which I’m sure the mother of the other girls heard, “Tak bestlah kawan tu. Kawan tu semua busuk!!” (Those friends are not nice. They smell).

I don’t know why I was so pissing mad at the girls, especially that little Miss B. I guess, I’m so used to people loving having Dania around. She gets on incredibly well with her teachers and friends at her Tumble Tots classes and even during her weekly swimming sessions, she makes lots of friends easily. I just wanted to grab hold of those girls at the playground and yell at them, “What's wrong with you?!! Play with my daughter!! Don’t you see, she just wants to be friends?” But of course, that would be taking the matter too far and I’m pretty sure the other mothers there wouldn’t approve.

I told hubby about what had happened at the playground.

“I’m just scared that, you know, what if at school, she doesn’t find any friends. I’m not asking for her to be the most popular girl, but I DO want her to have friends.”

By this time, I’m hyperventilating and imagining my precious daughter going around school in braids, and knee-high multicolored socks with braces on her teeth, and having no...exactly NADA friends to call her own!!

Hubby calmly looks and me and says, “You’re getting all riled up because of what one stupid 5 year old kid said to our daughter at the playground?”

How my hubby can put things in perspective for me is amazing. I just love this guy.


Kiah Kardashian said...

That reminds me of my childhood days. I faced the same thing. They used the same way to avoid me...uhuk uhuk. Sad huh!.But i can guarantee you she will end up being a nice person and that little Miss B will always continue being Miss B..heheheh...(talking through experience!!)

Along said...

Nutty Mama: Welcome!! So sad to hear your childhood days were lke that. I truly beleive childhood should be the BEST time of everyone's life. Coz then you grow up and have to have a stinking job, which sometimes just STINKS to high heavens.
Yes, I have faith that Dania will end up a nice person when she grows up, with a condition her parents don't freak out too much. Hehehe..
That Miss B really needed soemone to just yank her pigtails. HARD.

Twinsmom said...

Eh! same here lar...I experience this when I was young, and now my girls also the same, but thanks God they have each other.
but think about my childhood...really...sad...
guess quite common right?

AzaLea said...

Lucky for you Along, I didn't even get to utilize the Agung birthday. The request was shot down...blurrgghhh...

Don't worry too much about your daughter growing up. U did ok, didn't u? I used to get shunned when i was little, they won't even share a plastic bag full of Vitagens but eventually i grew up and find good friends.

Probably you should have a look at little Miss B***'s mom. Mungkin kuah tumpah ke nasi agaknya heh heh

Along said...

Twinsmom: Your girls are experiencing the same situation too? That's sad.

The beautiful thing about kids is that they don't discriminate. I was hpoing that I wouldn't have to face this situation with my kids until at least they started school.

Azalea: Yeah, I truned out ok, I guess. The thing is I learned at a very young age that I had to depend on my wits and humor, rather than my looks, to find me friends. Of course, there were those special few but kids back then could be rather cruel.

Yes, maybe next time I should try to say hi to Miss B's mom when I see her at the playground. See if the young imitates the old.

Krissy said...

Ah, the pitfalls of projection.

Honestly, in that situation, I would have just tried to let it go. If Dania wasn't having a problem with it, I would have let it go.

After all, the only things that are going to hurt her are the things she lets in to hurt her. If the little girl shouting that she didn't want to be her friend didn't hurt her, and she was happy to play anyhow, it might have been a good lesson to everyone how ignoring jerks sometimes actually solves the problem.

Dania is going to have a rough time in school at some point or another. I think that one of the greatest challenges as parents is to not over-dramatize or over-sympathise with their problems because of what we went through.

Just as we are entitled to be crushed that somebody doesn't like them or is mean, they are entitled to not be crushed, if they aren't.

I'd have probably waited to say something until my daughter came to me to ask why they didn't want to play. THEN I would tell her that they seem like smelly girls anyhow, let's go on the slide!

It's so hard not to project in those circumstances.

And obviously, the bitch stunk to high heaven and was blind, besides. Dania will have a great many friends.

I promise.

Along said...


Yes, you're right. Now that I've cooled down a bit and had time to think it over, I maybe shouldn't have made such a big deal about it after all. The thing is...I KNOW what it's like being the odd one out. It hurt when it happened to me; it hurt even more seeing it happen to Dania.

I know Dania is gonna face this situation sooner or later, I just wish it was later. I guess now the best thing I can do for her as a parent is to teach her how to handle these kind of situations gracefully.

Yes, and I'm pretty sure you're right again. She will find great friends in school when the time comes. So far, all signs point to that. :D

LC_Teh said...

So, someone stands back and puts things in perspective and everything else falls into place. Dosn't matter who, because anybody can become a headless chicken when pissed off. That's what a family's for.

Kampung Gal said...

Alah... Little Miss B jeles tu... pasal your daughter is of course the cutest girl at the park ;)