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Monday, June 22, 2009

No More?

I've been wanting to write this post for some time because its a topic that's been bothering me but I didn't know exactly how to put down my thoughts and feelings without sounding like an ungrateful bitch/mother.


OK, here goes. You'all can feel free to judge me or what not, this is just how I feel.


OK, first thing first. Let me make this announcement:


I do not want to have any more children.


CORRECTION: I do not want to be pregnant again. If I have more children via other means, then that's fine with me.


OK, so maybe you're wondering why I'm making this statement. Ever since Daria was born, people/friends/family members have been making comments like "Oh, nevermind, you guys can try again for a boy" or "So now you have your Charlie's Angels, next time you can try for Charlie."


I know, these people don't mean any malice and the comments were probably made in good gesture but they struck a raw nerve with me.


For one thing, and I know I've made this public, pregnancy is not a fun time for me. Being pregnant means 9 months of severe vomiting, dizzy spells, leg cramps, constipation, etc. Morning sickness I could probably handle but going through Hyperemesis gravidarum again? I don't think my body can take it again. I don't think I can survive mentally either.

When I'm pregnant:
I'm the one who gets all the aches and pains.
I'm the one who's vomiting every hour.
I'm the one who's unable to eat or drink anything.
I'm the one who can't function or work or even think.
I'm the one crying my eyes out nearly every night.
I'm the one that feels so alone and deserted.

In the end, I'm the one with all the physical and emotional scars.

When I told a few people that I didn't want to get pregnant anymore, they looked at me as if I was mad.

"But you're still young. You should get pregnant and have children while you still can."
"Don't you want to have a son?"
"Are you sure 3 children are enough?"

Seriously, what is up with that?! So I have 3 daughters, is it a sin? What's wrong with this picture? I for one, really don't care if I have any sons or not. I'll get son-in-laws when my gals marry.

And let's say I do get pregnant again, who's to guarantee that the next one will be a boy anyhow?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that....I think I've done my part already. I've been pregnant 6 times, miscarried 3 times, been admitted into the hospital numerous times because of pregnancy related issues. I think I deserve to rest and start concentrating on things I want to do for myself. Like maybe do my Masters next year. And take swimming lessons. And start travelling more.

I'm just saying. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

8 comments:

Mom-On-The-Loose said...

Along,

please, please, PLEASE don't worry bout all these silly people cuz that's what they are. Silly thoughtless people who makes comments just for the sake of it, without thinking things through, maybe just to show that they have an opinion, just to 'show' that they're important. you are totally right to feel the way you do.

Diorang ni, kalau kata nak ade anak lagi pun kengkadang tu boleh terbeliak and say nak anak lagi?? they just like to take the opposite stand that you do.

padahal bukan diorang yang beranak. bukan diorang yang kena jaga, bela and besarkan anak tu. kita jugak yang kena tanggung.

as it is, I'm still at awe with the strength and determination that you showed all this while. Enduring and not giving up the way you did. You've certainly done more than what most women would and your girls are very lucky to have you as a mom.

take care dear and don't let these people get to you. Enjoy your new baby and your maternity leave. Hugs.

J.A.D said...

nope. not wrong at all. I for one thinks 3 is a 'just nice' number of kids to have.

Just like me, when I told people, its gonna be a girl, people tell me, its ok, there's always next time. Girl pun ok, senang nak jaga, bla bla bla.. Hello, I am all excited and a penis or a vagina doesn't make any difference.

So what if they are all girls or all boys. They would all still be MY KIDS (or in your case, your kids) for better and for worst. Probably, these people were thinking that they think u r secretly hoping of having at least a boy, but hey, boy ke girl ke, kalau baik, buas, degil, tak kira jantina.

BTW, ur verification for today is : macha.. haha

Aktif Mama (Sal) said...

Sabar je Along. Biarkan apa dia orang nak cakap. Kau dah ada 3 anak dah cukup meriah.

Tuhan saja yang tahu.

Sometimes people don't think what they're saying. They don't go through what you've gone through. Saying is one thing..Doing it, is a differet thing.

Aku nie dah 8 tahun kahwin, baru dapat sorang je. Aku pekak kan telinga je. Bukan tak cuba, dah macam-macam cara dah. Lelaki ke, pompuan ke..tak kisah. Yang penting kita ada anak, boleh bela & tanggung dia orang.

Kalau anak kita pompuan/lelaki pun, bukannye dia orang nak bagi duit kat kite. Bukannye dapat award pun....

Nie semuanye negative thinking...You have to stay positive...think of your children.

lilinbiru said...

hah..ignore the comments..
aku pun 3 gak..all girls..sama..so worry not..i can guarantee u that i wont be having anymore additions!!

Aapitz said...

Along,

Do what things that make you happy...what matter's most is your happiness..

People are not in your shoes...biasalah org boleh cakap aper2 pun...at the end of the day, it's you, your life...

Kalo ader anak ramai2 pun, serabut, tak happy wat aper....if ader anak sorang pon...tak happy jugak..But other people ader anak sorang pon dah cukup happy, lagi ramai lagi laaa happy

So aper2 pun...it's how you see it from different perspective, and make the best out of it.

Pergi persetankan dengan cakap2 orang tuh...ahahahaa

Take care

Along said...

Everyone: Thanks for your support. Actually deep down I do want more kids, but I think my body can't take the torture of being pregnant again. I feel quite sad having to come to this decision but I'm also very grateful that Allah gave me 3 wonderful, beautiful daughters.

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Aunt Juicebox said...

People still ask me when I'm going to have "more" and my one child is 15. People just like to make conversation or something, I don't know. And if 3 is right for you, then that's great. I give you props for having that many in the first place.

And good luck winning the tutu!