I Don't Know If I Can Do This Again

Sorry I haven’t been updating for quite some time. I haven’t been feeling well. In fact, I’ve been feeling like shit. The reason for this is as below.

Yep, folks, I got knocked up!!!

Great, right? Yeah, happy news I guess. I mean hubby and I planned for this but the way I’m feeling right now, a very small (very bad and ungrateful) part of me wishes we hadn’t taken the plunge again.

For those who knew me during my last 2 pregnancies can testify how bad they make me feel. I could make a list of all the things that are not great when I’m pregnant.

To say I have morning sickness is an understatement. First, morning sickness does not just happen in the morning. For me, it’s morning, noon and night, 24/7 unless I’m asleep. Everything makes me gag. Smells, sight, even thoughts of food brings up the bile in my throat. Anything that causes me to open up my mouth makes me gag. This includes brushing my teeth, yawning (yawning!! Can you freaking believe that!!), sneezing and talking. This is bad because my kids love for me to read to them every evening and now, I can hardly get through Page 1 before I need to run to the bathroom to throw up.

I hate throwing up. I hate the way my body won’t let me up and just refuses to let anything I eat stay down. I hate the way my stomach convulses and pushes everything out. Even when there’s nothing left inside, I throw up stomach acid. Does not taste nice coming back up, let me tell you that.

I haven’t been to the toilet in a week now, but that’s no shocker seeing how everything I’ve tried to eat always comes back out before it can be digested anyway.

I’m constantly hungry and thirsty and it’s frustrating because people are always telling me to eat, just eat. Like hubby, I know he means well, but just because I wanted to eat salsa sauce once, doesn’t mean he should have bought 2 big jars of dip and three big bags of Doritos. I told him I felt like eating pizza once and he went and bought 2 large pizzas. I could only swallow one slice (which of course came up 5 minutes later). It’s frustrating and it makes me cry because people might think I’m making this up, I’m just giving in to my body but seriously only people who are going through or have been through what I’m going through right now, can have an opinion on this. It cannot be controlled. Believe me, I do not want to spend ½ my day in the toilet puking up my guts anymore than the next person does.

This is totally affecting my work and my life, in general. To think, I really thought this pregnancy would be different. The first 6 weeks was like heaven; I was eating everything, I exercised, my hormones made me happy. Haha. Then, 7 weeks into the pregnancy, everything took a 180 degree turn. I couldn’t get out off bed, I starting throwing up, I am tired all the time, I can’t eat anything.

Please I’m desperate. I’m looking for that doa, for the hubby to read after solat. You know, the one they say can transfer the morning sickness from the wife to the husband. If anyone knows of that doa, please let me know.

Also, if anyone has any tips on how to handle this constant throwing up, please give me a buzz. Just don’t tell me to eat, coz I really am trying.

I’m trying.