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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Guilt Dream I Always Have When I'm Pregnant

I had that dream again. Not exactly the same dream as last time but the context was the same. I have the dream everytime I'm pregnant, usually when I'm suffering through my bouts of HG.

The first time, when I was pregnant with Dania, it was to his ex-girlfriend. The second time around, when I was pregnant with Dina, it was to a Delta Air stewardess. This time, it was to his own cousin.

Some of you may know what dream I'm talking about. I'm talking about the vivid dreams I always have about hubby marrying another.

The first time I had the dream, I wasn't too upset because in the back of my head, I knew it was just a dream. The second time was a bit more upsetting coz the dialog that went between hubby and I were so real. His don't-care attitude when he told me about his girlfriend stewardess was soooo typical. I remember waking up in tears. After I told him the dream, hubby just laughed and told me that there aren't any Delta Air stewardess stationed in Malaysia. Not really the kind of reassurance I was looking for.

This time around, I dreamt of the actual wedding taking place. Well, not the wedding but actually the engagement ceremony. I remember being so confused and upset because my mom was there and she was actually helping with the preparations. When I asked her what she was doing, she just looked at me and said, " I thought you guys had already discussed this." I tried to get someone to explain to me what was going on. When I found out that hubby was about to marry his cousin (who in real life is already married, by the way), I freaked!!! I kept running around looking for him, trying to get him to explain to me why he would want to marry someone else and why hadn't he told me about this before.

I remember waking up very confused and very upset. Hubby had already gone to work at that time so I couldn't drill him for answers. I kept replaying the dream in my head over and over again. I cried then got up to dry heave in the toilet.

I don't know why I have these dreams. I have a theory though; I think it's guilt. For the past 6 weeks, I haven't been able to function much as a wife. I know hubby has been quite patient with me on this and I know he just wishes I get better soon. I really do want to get better. I want to be able to function again. That's my only wish for now.

Anyone else had these types of dreams before? What do you think, it is guilt?

4 comments:

smush said...

sweetie,

Don't worry too much bout ur dreams dear, for the past few days i've been dreaming of feeling and seeing baby moving in my tummy... my mother thinks it's cuz i'm too anxious...

however, i do think it may be guilt but like i said don't worry too much bout it. Think you've got to worry bout urself more... push these insecurities, worries and fears into an eensy, weensy corner of ur brain k?? they're not worth worrying over!!

be strong k? i'm definately rooting for u and praying that Allah ease ur pain even just a bit, but i'm everything u're going through will be forgotten as soon as u hold ur child in ur arms kan?? after all, forgetting bout the past must've been what convinced u to get preggars again kan?? ;)

i did read a quote somewhere, "Amnesia is when a woman has gone through labour and willingly go through it again"... ahahah how true!!!

once again, take care dear... *hugs*hugs*hugs*BIG HUGE BEAR HUG*

Along said...

Smush: Thanks for dropping by. The qoute you mentioned is so true. The thing with me is not the labor, but the entire pregnancy period. So tired!! Thanks again. Bear hugs back!!

sity29 said...

wahh along... ehehhe dreams can sleep nya game :P (mainan tido) ahahah direct translatios :P

heard u r on leave for a long time.. just take a good rest ok :) insya allah everything will be just fine :)

take care!!!!

Yan said...

Along!!
dah lama tak bloghopping.. tup2 hang pun preggy! CONGRATS.. yeah, dah baca dah pasal severe vomitting & such.. and i know camne rasa MC duduk umah lelama (kita kena chicken pox in December 2006)..

pasal mimpi tu, well.. kita selalu mimpi merepek2.. tak tentu hala apa ke ceritanya.. tp in ur case, macam satu cerita je ek.. apa2 hal pun, MIMPI je tu.. ceria2 selalu will ya?