Malay Movies - Not my Cup of Tea

Apparently there’s a new movie starring Rosyam Nor showing in theatres called Gangster. From my place, I can hear my colleague calling up contest winners to let them know that they’ve won tickets to see it. Some people are so stupid. If you live in JB and the movie is been shown in KL, then don’t waste time entering the contest in the first place! Dah tau takleh pergi!!

Anyhow, M asked me if I wanted tickets coz apparently there’s abundance due to these stupid people.

Ah, sorrylah M. You couldn’t pay me to go and see a Malay movie. Big, painful waste of time.

But Rosyam Nor’s in it. He plays like 3 characters in this movie!!

And that’s supposed to impress me?

I’m not going to apologise for this. I hate Malay movies. I find them stupid, unrealistic and basically syok sendiri. The comedies are just plain stupid while the dramas are pathetic. The thrillers...don;t get me started. If I have to hear about Erra Fazira and her hubby acting in another movie together, I’m gonna puke. Are there no other actresses or actors in Malaysia left? As for comedies, balik2 Apek, Syanie, Lan Pet Pet (whose very name should reflect the wretched state the Malay movie industry is in) ...are we that deprived of good, if not great comedians?

I used to love Malay movies. I can watch any P. Ramlee movie again and again. It’s just the last 10 years, I’ve seen Malay movie degenerate into the same mold; boring and predictable.

Typical Malay love story.

Rich Girl in love with Poor Boy. Rich Girl’s family rejects Poor Boy due to status factor. Usually it’s the mom, a typical datin/puan sri type with big beehive hair and massive gold jewelry, enough to make Mr T from the A-Team jealous. Rich Girl is forced to marry Rich Boy, who is usually a playboy, or worst still a serial rapist. Along the way, Rich Boy’s true colors are brought to light, usually after a fight out with Poor Boy. Rich Girl’s family admits they’re wrong. Rich Girl and Poor Boy marry in an all out extravaganza event, somewhat like the recent Brunei Royal wedding.

Typical Malay Comedy

Three kampong guys have been friends since childhood. They come to the big city a.k.a KL to seek their fortune. Along the way, they meet up with all kind of people and end up in various “funny” scenarios. All their troubles could have been avoided if they had only done their research beforehand and submitted their resume and cover letter appropriately. At the end of the story, one of the guys (usually the most good looking one), gets the girl and the job while his two dungu friends tersengih kat tepi. All’s well ends well.

Typical Malay Drama

Usually about husband and wife fighting. The main reason is usually the husband has a girlfriend a.k.a secretary/personal assistant/weekly call girl. Husband leaves wife and kids to be with girlfriend, who we find out at the end of the movie, only after his money (shocker!!). Husband loses girlfriend, job and family and ends up in an old folk’s home. Ex-wife and kids come for monthly visits. Ex-wife remarries husband’s best friend, who is not only better looking but wealthy and nice. Too good to be true.

Typical Malay Thriller

A bunch of horny teenagers go out into the jungle for a camping trip. It is not noted that they are horny, but you can guess from the enthusiastic looks on their faces and their lack of suitable clothing. Believe me, one girl (usually known as The Slut) will be wearing heels, make up and short shorts during this camping trip. As predicted, all of them get lost, get hit by a storm and end up at spooky looking house. Even with only 4 bedrooms to explore, they end up getting separated. One by one, they get killed. As the heroin is about to confront the demon/ghost/hantu momok, she wakes up suddenly and we find out it was all just a bad nightmare. Fiuh!! Thank goodness!! Now, if only the theatre people would refund my money back.

Of course, there are some exceptions to the rule but even those are just too pitiful to watch. Bad dialogue, wooden expressions, forced emotions are all factors of a bad Malay movie. Example of baaaaaaddd dialogue:

Wife: Abang! Kenapa abang sanggup membuang kami orang dari sisi abang. Abang tak kasihankah dengan anak-anak?Abang dah lupa janji-janji abang untuk bersama selamanya?

Husband: Sudah! Aku dah muak dengar leteran kau. Aku sudah ada kekasih baru, lagi cantik, lagi cun dari kau. Mulai hari ini aku ceraikan ko talak tiga!!

Wife: ABAAAANG!!!..uhuk..uhuk..uhuk....

Cue violins playing softly accompanying shot of wife and kids crying bashfully.


Pleaeeeeeeeeeeese!! No one talks like that in real life. Sheeesh. And if they did, I would bang their heads together coz it’s pretty clear they have bigger problems to face than marital issues.

I rest my case for now. Just nod your head if you agree with what I’ve written. Or feel free to bang me if you’re a malay movie fanatic.