A Birthday Note to Dina Yasmin - One Year Old

My Dearest Dina,

Today you are one year old. How time flies!! It seemed like just yesterday I was panting in the labor room, high on gas and then plump!...one push and you were out in this world. I remember smiling, thinking how easy this labor had been compared to your sister, who had forced me to endure pain for 4 ½ hours before coming out, kicking and screaming like the little Dive she is.

But this birthday note is about you, and for you, so I’ll try not to mention your sister too much. Because you’re both unique, and I don’t want to be one of those parents who likes to compare their children...WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR SISTER? I promise not to be like that, and if you ever find me doing so, you can print out this birthday note and show it to my face. Remember this, ibu? Remember?

I’m been thinking about what to write for your 1st birthday note. Such an important occasion, one that would either make me forever Mother of the Year in your eyes, or the person that is CONSTANTLY EMBARRASSING you.

I want to begin with telling you how badly your father and I wanted you...and how close we came to never having you. You sister (I promise, this is the last time I mention her) was already 1 year 8 months and both you father and I figured we had enough money to feed yet another ravenous mouth, so we got busy. We didn’t have to get busy for long because I got pregnant almost instantly (I can see your father beaming with pride as he reads this). The first few weeks were bad for me, extremely bad that even your father was worried and was constantly buying me stuff to eat and TRY to keep down. I finally dragged myself to the hospital to do some ultrasound scanning and I’m telling you, my heart dropped...dropped thousands of miles into the earth’s core when the doctor mentioned how “unhealthy” your sack was looking and how it might be in the best interest to terminate the pregnancy.

But I held on to you. I told everybody, if Allah didn’t want me to have you, then my body would just have to dispose of you through its natural way because there’s no way I was going to do it consciously. And how you’ve proved everybody wrong. Today, not only are you healthy, you are LOUD. And funny. And cheeky. And so beautiful.

Now that you are one year old, I can see your personality is completely opposite from that of your sister. While she is aggressive, you are calmer. While she is outgoing, you can be dreadfully shy at times. Remember when we went to Nenek’s house in Melaka last weekend? We had a family function going on and everybody wanted to hold you and kiss you and that must have FREAKED YOU OUT because after a while your grandma came to me with you in her arms, crying your heart out. When you saw my face, you reached out to me as if I was the only force that could calm the storm and when I carried you, you buried your face into my shoulder and held on for dear life. You stopped crying almost immediately and scolded me in your baby talk voice for handing you over to those cheek-pinching, small-feet-biting monsters. Tell me, what kind of mother wouldn’t have melted then? How I wish I could have stopped time to relive that feeling again and again.

Dearest Dina. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t count my blessings for having you in my life. Everyday I look at you and I feel like I want to hug you and kiss your sweet smelling hair and feel your soft cheeks against mine forever.

I love the way you dance and move your body to any sound that you hear. Even the sound of the plane engines going over our heads during our evening walks is enough to set you off. I love the way you’re not afraid of cats, and birds and other animals and how you feel that everything requires a taste test before receiving your stamp of approval. I love the way to smile at me with your crunched up nose that I’ve nicknamed you Popeye for obvious reasons. I love the way you laugh and shriek with joy when your father throws and catches you in the air.

I love you so much Dina Yasmin, and not just because you’re my daughter. I love you for all the joy and love you’ve brought into our lives and for showing me that your laughter and your smile is enough to pull me through my bad days.
Happy First Birthday, little girl.

Love, Ibu.