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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Happy Couples

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Been at a course since Monday until tomorrow. Last week, Ida and I bought all the major items for our spa center like the jacuzzi, saunas, hot blankets, etc. We spent (a bomb) and shopped from 10am until 9pm. By the time we actually found some time to sit down and eat, we were ready to faint from light headiness. But it's all good, the renovation is coming along fine and we have electricity and water and the tiles have been ordered and the fountain has been purchased and the aircons have been procured and we can give foot spas now because we bought that water foot massager which I have yet to try....and...and...it's been hectic but fun and I can't stop thinking or talking about the spa.....HEEEEEEEE!!!!

OK, enough about that. What else is there to talk about?

Hubby's back from his "male bonding" trip in Jakarta. I missed him so much. But it's true what they say, distance makes the heart fonder.

I found this article on msn.com and thought I would like to share it. I love reading articles on how to keep your marriage alive and fun, especially after so many years together. The parts in italic are my own comments and thoughts on the matter.

Start solid.
Remember that best friend you had when you were a kid? Whether blissfully playing side-by-side in the sandbox or building an awesome fort together, you two just grooved on being in each other's presence. Happy couples share that same serendipitous groove, if in the all-grown-up world. Romantic chemistry aside, they genuinely like each other as people and truly enjoy walking down the path of life hand-in-hand.
When hubby and I first got together, we found out that we liked a lot of the same things, mostly travelling and seeing new places. Even after 2 kids, we try to find the time to go for holidays at never-before-been-to places. 2 weeks from now, insya'allah we'll be going for our 3rd honeymoon together (minus the kids!!) in Bandung. Can't wait!!

Keep it fresh.
Routines and traditions can give a couple a comforting sense of predictability that's both grounding and reassuring. But surprises and adventures are also essential to really keeping that spark alive. Happy couples make a habit of shaking things up a bit by planning weekend getaways to undiscovered destinations, saving their pennies for a dream vacation, or launching fun and ambitious projects together. Having exciting things on the calendar to look forward to and sharing new adventures together reaffirms their connectedness and refuels the romance.
Hubby and I love getting presents for each other, especially for our birthdays and anniversaries. We like surprising each other with naughty sms's..hahaha. Whenever I get a funny joke in my inbox, hubby's the first person I forward it to. Just our way of telling each other, "I'm thinking of you".

Clear the air.
It's perfectly natural for any couple to encounter frustrations, disappointments, and miscommunication from time to time. But if grievances go unaired, they can pile up to a mountain of resentment and put the relationship at risk. Happy couples make sure they keep the communication open, and navigate those inevitable rough spots with honesty and mutual respect. If any issues should arise that seem too big or too complex to resolve between the two of them, they'll schedule some sessions with a couples therapist to help them safely weather the storm.
I guess it's true what they say, those who love passionately, fight passionately too. Throughout our 13 years together, hubby and I have had fights to rival World War 2. We're still learning on how to express our displeasure with each other in a healthier way and I guess age and the girls have taught us to not take things too seriously. There are times when we get on each other's nerve but in the end, we forgive, hug and make up.

Have a life.
A healthy relationship consists of two individuals who each maintain a strong sense of themselves and take a genuine interest in the other. One may decide to go back to school to pursue a higher degree, while the other may get involved in a volunteer project or a photography workshop. Maintaining individual identities and pursuing individual interests ensures that there'll always be new things to share and to learn about each other.
I have my spa. Hubby has futsal and his male-bonding sessions with his pals. Both activities exclude the other but receives all the support it requires.

Tune it up.
Whether it be once a month or once a year, a regularly scheduled sit-down can allow for some essential upkeep and maintenance of a healthy relationship. Happy couples may agree to a periodic summit meeting to check in with one another about the overall well-being of their partnership. They may discuss what they've been appreciating about one another, what dynamics could use some tweaking, and what is on the horizon for their future as a couple. A little preventative TLC from time to time helps keep those relationship engines running smoothly.
Hubby and I like to lie in bed and talk about our dreams for the future. We talk about having more children, even after the painful losses we've gone through. We talk about being financially independent and spending our old days together touring the world. Allah ajelah will decide whether our dreams will become a reality but it's nice to know that you have that special someone to share these visions with.

Footnote: Analise Pendergast is a freelance writer specializing in topics of sexuality and relationships. She offers writing workshops for women called Sex, Lies, & Language. You can find the article here.

I hope no one thinks that I think hubby and I have the perfect marriage. Far from it. What's important is that both of us continue to work at it. Yes, marriage is work. Which makes it sometimes fun, sometimes...well, feels like work.

Kita hanya mampu merancang, Allah yang menentukan. Aku doakan hubungan aku ngan hubby kekal bahagia ke akhir hayat...Amiiin.

2 comments:

aapitz said...

yerr...aku doakan ko berbahagia ngan rashid....sampai mati tau..
For me...there's is no perfect marriage...it's how we work and build that relationship
Mutual understanding is important..!!

Hope all you have dream off will come true ekkk

NORA ANSHAR said...

makcik... where's your spa located?? can i come for a foot massage anytime tak? badly need one for all the long hours i put in standing up baking cakes.