Life is What You Make Out Of It...

It's been 2 weeks plus since our maid ran away and seriously...I don't miss her at all. Add on to the stories that my neighbors have FINALLY told me about her, I say good riddance!! I was a bit peeved that my neighbors kept her antics a secret from us but on the other hand, I understand their concerns. Ever since one of our neighbors blew up at the others because we told her about her maid, everyone has been taking the "none of my business" route. Which is such a pity. I really would have appreciated it if they had spoken up sooner...Daria might have gotten better care. But what has happened has happened and I believe all for good reason.

So for now, Dania and Dina transit at their kafa school and Daria goes to the kindergarten behind our home. Dania and Dina have been adapting well but Daria...let's just say it's a drama everytime we drop her off at school. The waterworks start happening and the begging commences. The first time it happened, I got so upset, I cried all the way to work. It hasn't gotten easier (yet) but I'm hoping Daria will adjust better as time goes by. According to her teacher, she only cries for a few minutes before settling down with the other kids.

I miss having help with the housework though. Though I must admit, I get total satisfaction when its done now. I dedicate Saturdays for springcleaning; the best part is that En Rashid helps with the dishes and the kids so it's not too bad. I still feel like crying doing the ironing tho; to ease the pain, I bring all the clothes in front of the TV and do it while watching a movie. At least, I don't feel too bored. I don't mind the cooking; the kids love it when I cook. En Rashid...well, let's just say he loves showing his appreciation. Hehehehe...

My mom has been asking whether we want a new maid. Honestly, I think we're coping just fine without. Previously, I was adamant for a maid because Daria was still a baby. Now, she's nearly 3 and can socialize so I'm not too worried. I still feel bad when we have to stay back at work and pick up the kids late. So far this has happened a few times...the first time it happened Daria was too mad to even look at me!!

But all things considering, we are doing ok. It's going to be a bit hectic next week as both En Rashid and myself are going to Osaka for my birthday (plus 3rd honeymoon) but my mom has agreed to take care of the kids while we're away. To think, one year of planning and we almost cancelled the whole trip because of what happened. I owe my mom so much!!

Oya, I'm 95% done with my MBA now!! Yahoo!! Best of all, no more classes or exams. Just left with my project paper to complete. I can't believe I've almost made it. Finals was ok considering I only had 2 papers to study for this trimester. My International Marketing was a hoot; we had to answer 4 questions and each question was worth 25 marks. The whole time during the exam I was like frantically looking for stuff to write down (it was an open book test) to cater for the 25 marks. In the end, I left the hall 30 minutes early...dah takde idea nak tulis apa. Huhuhuhu....

We're all on forced leave tomorrow thanks to The Company's AGM session with the stakeholders. They should do the AGM more often...hahahaha. En Rashid and I will be going to the Japanese Embassy to pick up our visas...hopefully everything will be ready by then.

So this post is just to update everybody that we're doing ok. Hehehee...thanks to all who inquired and expressed concern.

It's Been Crazy

Sorry Internet for not being able to blog as frequently as I should. As the heading states, it's been crazy here at Casa Along. For starters, our maid ran away. Not only did she break into our room to steal her passport, she also took my two gold bangles as a souvenir. Which my mom bought for me. Which I hadn't even worn yet. Sigh..

Work has been crazy. Crazy enough that I had to postpone my midterms and take them at a later date. Finals are this week. Safe to say I haven't done much studying. Sigh...

But, you know what, I'm not gonna complain. Things could be much worst. At least, the kids are ok, hubby is ok, my family is ok...everything will work out for the better.

I need to do some last minute studying for my Service Marketing paper tonight so until then...be good people.

Snippets of the Past 2 Weeks

OMG...sorry folks..I promised a few people I would update on what's been happening at Casa Along but alas, some urgent matters need to be taken care off first. I'll just list down a few stuff as a teaser..promise, I'll write in full really soon.

1. Our train ride into KL. A great way for some family bonding and to tire out the kids real fast. Haha.
2. Dania and Dina's Bijak Sifir workshop
3. Our maid problem. Like...urghhh...seriously.
4. Work stuff...went through hell but hopefully everything will turn out fine. Oya, had to postpone my International Marketing mid term because of work...sigh..

Till then, stay chill my fellow peeps.

A Review of the Weekend

Sorry guys for not updating my blog as much. The internet at home as been like WT%^$#*(@!%. Grrrr..

En Rashid and I finally took last Friday off to “celebrate” our anniversary. In the end, we spent it at the Immigration Office because we realized that our maid’s visa had expired!! Delightful!

On Saturday, we spent the day lounging around the house. Such a luxury nowadays. On Sunday, we took the girls to watch Cars 2. Daria, who was an angel the last time we took her to the movies, turned into the Tasmanian Devil this time. She refused to sit down in her chair and proceeded to turn around and “talk” to the people behind her. Horrors!! In the end, I took her outside and as it turned out, she had peed through her diaper. Great!!  

I start classes today. After 9 weeks of break, the thought of staying up until 3am to complete assignments just doesn’t feel right. Hahaha. Plus, this trimester, we start our electives so most of my classmates will be scattered as some of us will be taking Marketing, Finance, HR, IB or General Management.

Min, we won’t be able to gossip and share titty jokes in class anymore!!! L

Really feeling the Monday Blues today. Plus I’m fasting so can’t use food as my refuge. *Sigh*

What A Relief!!

So I had my first mid term exam tonight. Peh...what stress that caused me. My insides went all haywire and I couldn't poop for 3 days (yeah, you can thank me for sharing). I got anxiety attacks looking at my notes so I stopped looking at them but still got attacks because I wasn't looking at them when I should be looking at them...so it was a vicious cycle and in the end, I considered picking up a knife and just ending it there and then but then I remembered raya was on the way and my kids! who will take care of them? and...yeah, well you get the picture.

Anyhow, the exam went ok I guess. I know for sure I got one definition wrong (substituted definition of stress with emotions...how ironic!) but then we had like a thousand of definitions to remember so I won't let getting one wrong bug me. Much. Ok, not thinking about it anymore. Hmmm...lalalalallalala....Damn it!! How can I get it wrong?!!! Grrrrr.....

The rest of the questions were ok, I guess. I spotted a few of the topics that might come out and THANK GOD they did. The exam lasted for 2 hours and I was writing feverishly the entire time. It's amazing I still have the energy to type. I really hope I get good marks because I really like this class (OB) and because the other classes I'm taking...yeah, not so much in the I-really-understand-what's-going-on department. 7 weeks of class and I'm still blur. Luckily for my other 2 classes, the exams will be in 2 weeks. I think. The lecturer's have still not confirmed. Hmmm...

Well, my energy level just went down so I guess I'll be turning in for the night. Oya, ps...my new maid just arrived tonight. So far, I haven't had time to get to know her much but she seems nice enough. We'll see.

What Are You Doing Here?

Dina told me yesterday. But before she told me, she asked me not to get mad with her. O-oh, what did she do now?

It seems she didn’t do anything. She was walking outside with Daria and Enon last evening and she saw Bibik at one of the neighbor’s house. Huh? What was that woman doing here?

Enon asked her and bibik said she was on her day off. Hah!! On a Wednesday? Yeah, right. Anyway, Enon wasn’t too happy with Bibik, what with everything she had put us through, so she took the kids home right away.

What is she doing here? I have no desire to meet or see her again. The kids are doing ok now, why would she come here and kacau them?

Enon said, maybe she misses the kids. TOUGH LUCK!! She’s the one who deserted us in the middle of the night. I never threw her out.

I told the girls, if they ever see Bibik anywhere near the house, to not go near her or to talk to her. I don’t see the point. We’ve moved on, she should do the same.

But before she does, she should pay me the RM200 she owes me for her duit kutu!!

This Is Just For Bacon Lover

Just to bring you up to date....

Bibik ran away last Thursday night. Reason: we suspect because of the fight (fight is such a big word...more like misunderstanding) she had with hubby the previous weekend.

Since she's been gone (why do I hear Kelly Clarkson when I typed that?), it's been chaos at Casa Along but we've managed so far.

The kids have been great except the 1st few days, Daria wouldn't eat, Dania wouldn't stop crying and Dina wouldn't talk.

But everyone's doing better now.

Here's hoping we find a better replacement soon.

Kagum

Dengan diri sendiri.

Hari ini aku berjaya masak, sapu rumah bahagian bawah, mop dapur, tidokan Daria 2 kali, make sure anak2 aku ok ke sekolah sambil menyiapkan assignment yang due arini.

Come on, umur dah 34 tahun...kalau takleh handle house work memang parah la!!

Tapi aku sket lagi nak nangis bila tengok kain baju bertimbun tak gosok, memikirkan bahagian atas rumah blum settle, baju2 yang dah kering blum lipat, diri aku sendiri yang blum mandi eventho dah kul 2pm dah!!

Si kaklong basuhkan pinggan mangkuk tadi lepas makan pun, hampir nak buat aku meleleh. Pandai anak aku...dah tau, sekarang kita sendiri2...kena la pull each other's weight.

Apa2 pun, aku still mengharap bibik lama aku balik, walaupun aku tau chance tu memang slim. According to maid ibu aku, bibik dah dok Subang...maybe dah dapat keje lain pun. Ah, lantak la. Yang aku dok pikir hal dia lagi nak buat apa. Baik save sel2 otak aku untuk pikir hal anak2 ni.

Semalam pi jumpa agen, dah letak deposit untuk maid baru. Hmm...berdoa la agar yang baru ni ok macam yg dulu. En Rashid pun, aku kena bagitau...jangan ikutkan baran sangat lain kali. Kan semua dah susah. Walaupun hal bergaduh haritu maybe just a small factor, tapi membagi sebab la jugak si bibik tu nak blah.

Dah Long, dah....lupakan yang dulu. One day at a time.

Baik aku pi mandi sementara adik ngan Kakngah tengah tido.

Pergi Sudah

Bibik aku dah lari.

Tengah malam tadi kot. Time aku masuk tido kul 12 tu, dia ada lagi. Time anak2 aku bangun nak pi sekolah dah takde.

Aku pun tak paham. Kitaorang dah layan cukup baik pun still buat macam ni. Kalau aku ngan En Rashid je, aku takde la kisah sangat. Tapi anak2 aku ni...yang dah anggap dia macam mak ke2? Nak2 si kenit...tercarik2 dia tadi bibik gemuk dia tu.

Time aku sedar dia dah takde, aku tak panik. Benda2 macam ni...ntah la, aku dah tau, kalau aku panik pun tak guna. Aku terus siapkan sarapan bebudak tu, lepas tu kejutkan abg. Nampak la muka abang terkejut. Bersalah pun mungkin ye la.

Aku terus sms bos, mintak EL. Explain apa dah jadi. Dia pun terkejut, bukan ok ke bibik aku ni? Ntah la...o.k ke, k.o. ke...dia dah takde. Sekarang tumpuan aku dah ke anak2. Sms lak ibu aku. Dia pun terus call. Agak syahdu lak nada orang tua tu. Jangan nangis la..kang aku jugak yang tumpah airmata ni kang. Ibu aku bagitau, takpe..kejap lagi dia mai, tengokkan kitaorang.

Yang bestnya, cik abg patut nak ke Bandung arini. Aku cakap, pi la...benda dah plan lama..lagipun dia stay sini, bukan bibik tu muncul secara majik. Lagi elok kalau dia pi, bawak balik bibik lain untuk aku terus. Hahahhaa...bibik yerrr...jangan bini #2 sudah!!

Dari aku melayan kepala aku yang dah mula serabut, aku pun start buat kerja rumah. Mandikan si Daria, keluarkan barang2 nak masak. Si Kaklong ngan KakNgah dah selamat pi sekolah. Apa2 pun, agenda bebudak mesti tetap jalan. Sambil tunggu ayam aku defrost, aku jenguk la bilik bibik.

Kain baju dah takde..tinggal la sket lagi dalam laci dia. Handbag dia satu je dia bawak. Makeup2 dia semua pun takde. Barang2 pinggan mangkuk yang dia dah beli pun dah takde bawah katil.

Dek banyak gak barang dah takde, aku syak la ada orang tolong dia lari. Takkan bleh dia angkut semua baju dia, pinggan mangkuk lagi sorang2. Tengah2 malam lak tu. Apa2 je la...

Around kul 11pagi, ibu aku pun sampai. Siap mai ngan lauk semua. Padahal aku dah masak ayam masak kicap, telur dadar ngan sayur masak sos tiram. Terror gak aku masak, walaupun jarang2 sekali. Ibu aku tanya, camne? Camne camne...camtu la. Nak cakap apa lagi yek.

Aku cite la balik..agak2 penyebab bibik lari. Sebelum kitaorang balik melaka minggu lepas, abg ajak bibik balik sama. Dia refuse, konon nak kemas rumah. Abg terus ngamuk la, cakap bibik nak pi merayau, nak bawak orang masuk rumah. Ok cop, hal dia bawak orang masuk rumah memang betul. Aku pernah kantoikan dia sekali. Kawan bibik dia jugak la..setaman. Aku pantang dua benda je, handphone ngan bawak orang masuk rumah. Tapi hal tu aku dah sound dah bibik, dia pun dah minta maaf, cakap takkan buat lagi.

Bila cik abg aku ni ungkit balik benda tu, bibik pun panas la..menjawab. Satu kesilapan besar la kalau menjawab ngan En Rashid ni...terus menjadi perang bertekak jugak la antara depa berdua. Time tu aku kat atas, tengah kemas beg nak balik Melaka. Aku pun cepat2 turun, cuba la redakan keadaan. In the end, masa kitaorang berangkat nak pi tu, bibik tengah nangis kat dapur sambil menyapu. Aku bagitau bibik, "dah la...bapak memang camtu, cakap kasar sket, tapi bibik jangan ambik hati. Taknak balik Melaka takpe, bibik rehat je la minggu ni, tenangkan fikiran." Sambil nangis tu, dia angguk2 jugak la.

Time kitaorang kat Melaka, aku dah agak risau la, ntah ada ke tidak lagi bibik aku bila balik nanti. Kitaorang balik ke rumah Ahad petang..aku tengok dia tengah duduk kat taman. Alhamdulillah...

Sejak tu, kitaorang layan dia macam biasa. Takde la mengungkit benda berperang tu. Aku tengok dia dengan bebudak pun macam normal jugak, sayang2 gitu. So memang aku dah assume la semua dah back to normal and takde lagi nak berlaku incident macam aritu lagi.

Itu hari Ahad. Ni dah hari Khamis. Kenapa la dia tunggu 4 hari then baru decide nak lari? Aku dah bagitau dia, kalau dia takmo kerja, cakap je la...aku akan hantar dia balik ke rumah agen dengan elok. Camne aku terima dia dulu, camtu la jugak cara aku nak pulangkan dia. Aku tak kejam la...aku rasa aku majikan yang paling releks sekali. Hal2 nak paksa orang kerja ngan kita, not my style.

Petang tadi dia call hp ibu aku. Menangis2 mintak maaf. Ibu aku cakap, "bukan dengan saya patut minta maaf. Kalau bibik takmo kerja, kenapa tak bagitau dengan cara baik? Kenapa cara macam ni?" Dia kata, dia takut abg hantar dia balik Indon. Laaaaa...apahal lak kitaorang nak halau dia. Kitaorang lagiiiiii lega tengok dia still ada masa balik from Melaka aritu. Ibu aku bagitau la, "cara bibik ni cara orang tak berhati perut. Bibik kata sayangkan bebudak ni, tapi sanggup tinggalkan diaorang macam tu aje." Bibik kata bukan niat dia.

Lepas ibu aku dah habis cakap, bibik minta cakap ngan aku lak (tau lak dia ibu ada kat rumah aku). Same story la...minta maaf, takut kena hantar balik. Aku bagitau dia, "bibik, kami orang takde dendam ngan bibik. Kalau bibik still nak keje ngan kami, balikla. Kita lupakan apa dah berlaku. Sekarang ni keputusan di tangan bibik." Bibik cakap dia kena pikir dulu. Aku bagitau la, "saya takleh tunggu pikir lelama...camne pun, saya kena usahakan carik pengganti sebab memang memerlukan." Bibik cakap dia paham.

Aku takde la memujuk sangat, cuba aku bagitau la yang aku risau jugak la dia keluar tu, tangan kosong. Duit dia ada kat aku lagi, tak banyak la...cukup aku nak bayarkan giliran kutu dia je pun. Rupanya barang2 pinggan mangkuk dia semua, dia dah jualkan kat kawan dia. Dapat RM400. Padahal dia beli ada dekat 6-7 ratus kot. Aku tak tau la dia jual kamera dia, cincin emas dia sekali ke. Ntah la...itu keputusan dia la.

Last2 dia mintak maaf lagi sekali kat aku, minta halalkan makan minum dia. Itu aku cakap, memang dah lama aku halalkan. Sebagai majikan, itu memang tanggungjawab aku untuk sediakan. Cuma aku terkilan dia tinggalkan keluarga kitaorang ngan cara macam ni, sedangkan 2 tahun dah sayang sangat aku and the girls ngan dia. Aku tau, deep down, dia sangat rindukan anak2 aku...nak2 si kenit tu. Ye la...jaga sejak keluar dari perut. Time siang, asyik berkepit je berdua. Kalau tak teriang2 muka anak2 aku, maybe memang dah tetap la hati bibik aku nak belah dari rumah kitaorang.

Walau camne pun, aku memang terhutang budi ngan bibik aku. Walaupun memang aku gajikan dia tapi banyak benda yang dia buat memang above and beyond duty dia. Time dia jaga aku masa aku teruk tengah pregnant ngan Daria. Masa kitaorang kecoh2 nak pindah ke Bangi, dia yang tolong pack2kan semua benda. Masa aku bersalinkan Daria, dia masak sedap2 untuk aku, jaga baby aku ngan sempurna. Masa bebudak ni sakit, dia yang make sure semua makan ubat on time. Hal rumah, hal bebudak memang tip top. Sebab tu aku sayangkan dia, dan sebab tu aku terkilan sangat. Dah 2 tahun dia dengan kitaorang, dah lebih macam keluarga dah. Dah pi travelling sesama..hal aku start balik sekolah pun, dia sokong.

Adeh, airmata aku nak start leleh la plak menaip hal ni. Bohong la kalau aku kata aku tak risau. Pengganti tu memang bleh carik, tapi nak carik yang elok bukan senang. Aku dah siap planning dah aritu, tahun depan nak bagi dia balik sebulan...then balik kerja ngan kitaorang again. Every year aku nak bagi dia balik, kalau dia nak.

Tapi dah jadi camni, nak buat camne yer. Take it one day at a time la. Mujurla bleh pinjam maid ibu aku kejap. Insya'allah sabtu ni nak pi jumpa agen, nak tengok kot la ada yang bleh mai keje ngan kitaorang. Hal duit tu, tolak ketepi la. Korek la ASB kalau perlu.

Korang doakan la bibik aku lembut hati and balik keje ngan kitaorang balik. Takpun, doakan kitaorang dapat pengganti yang ok.

Also doakan bibik aku yang tengah sorang2 kat luar tu.

Mana dia tido malam ni agaknya?

Maybe She Was in Another Time Zone?

We were suppose to take the girls to see Despicable Me yesterday but couldn’t because bibik came back late from her outing. And when I say late, I mean coming in at 7pm when she said she would come back at 3pm.

The girls were disappointed but not as livid as hubby. He had already started scanning for nearby nurseries to send the kids to while we were at work. A little extreme, I know but I can understand being pissed about having your plans go to shit because someone didn’t want to get a little rain on them coming back.

Bukan jalan kaki pun laaaaa…sah2 naik cab rerami ngan kawan dia!!

I don’t normally complain about bibik because she does do exceptional work around the house and with the kids, thus the reason we allow her to go out during the weekends. But I do except a certain degree of respect; if you’re going to be late, call me!! I can come and pick you up at the mall if it’s raining cats and dogs (it was only drizzling yesterday, hardly cause for an umbrella..ella…ella…even.)

Bibik knows I’m pissed at her coz I haven’t spoken to her since she slinked back in yesterday. Unlike hubby, who is the bebel type, I’ll rather save my breath and ignore you.

A Short Sweet Weekend with Family and Friends

After more than a month, we headed back to my parents house last weekend. My dad was very happy to know we still knew the directions to his house. Hahahaha...apala, it wasn't our fault (entirely) that we all had the pink eye for a whole month!!

We arrived on Saturday morning eventhough my parents were still at a wedding in Johor at the time. Dania and Dina were very happy as they got to play with their new scooters my mom had bought for them.

I had to leave a few minutes after we arrived since it was my day with the girls, hi-tea at Crowne Plaza courtesy of Lin. Thanks Lin, best giller makan. Post and pictures coming soon.

That very night, I took the girls to visit my grandma in Keramat. Sian wan, we haven't been to visit her since raya!! Unacceptable. As expected, my grandma shed happy tears seeing her grandchildren and great grandchildren. We stayed until 10pm, then headed back with promises to visit again real soon.

Sunday was spent lazing around with the girls since bibik and Enon went out for their own "hi-tea" session. Hehehehe, bagi can la...sian bibik dah lama tak kluar.

So today it's back to work. Good thing I have morning and afternoon meetings in Cyber, no need to drive all the way to HQ. Ahhh...Monday blues minimized slightly.

An Eventful Weekend

My laptop is in the hospital. I dropped it on its head last Friday and while it was fine immediately after the "tragedy", a few hours later, it wouldn't let me click on any of the icons and wouldn't shut down. No amount of taking out the battery, stroking the keypad and hugging it tight made a difference. The Rescue team was fast to respond to my SOS; they took it away the very same day. Hopefully I'll get it back intact today. My only hope is that they salvage all the files. If those are gone, them I'm gonna retire!!

Last Friday was also eventful for Dina. She got bitten by a wasp!! In fact, it could have been several wasps if not for my heroic Bibik (maid). I was upstairs taking a bath when all this commotion happened so I didn't get to see it but according to Bibik, Dina was walking in front of our house and she started shaking the small coconut tree a few houses over. Apparently she didn't notice the wasp hive (hive ah?) and because of her shaking, several angry wasps came out and started attacking her. To make matters worst (or rather fortunate if you really think about it), Bibik was outside with Daria in a sling so she had one hand trying to shield Daria from the wasps and another one trying to swot them from Dina's head. Fortunately all three got into the house quickly but not before Dina got bit on the head and Bibik got bit on her arm. Thank god Daria was ok, if not she might have gotten bitten on her face!! Lahai anak ibu...sib baik Bibik cepat bertindak!

Hubby took Dina to the clinic immediately and she got a shot and medicine for the pain. Bibik didn't want to go at first but the next day her arm had swollen and started throbbing painfully, so in the end she relented and we took her to the clinic for her shot and some medicine. Sian tengok Bibik.

Today both of them are doing better. Alhamdulillah. The wasps nest/hive is still there. Hubby said he would call the fire department to remove it before any other kids got bitten by the wasps.

Yesterday my mom came by and took me and the girls to 1-Utama to meet a potential caterer for my brother's upcoming wedding. She was very nice and her menu so far is the best at such a reasonable price. My mom's 95% sure that she'll be taking that caterer so that's one more item to cross of the checklist. Next up will be searching for a make up artist and pelamin person. Oya, items for the hantaran...all done!! Hahaha...so advance.

Oya, yesterday Daria turned 3 months old. Guess how much she weighed? 6.9 kg!!! That's a 1.4kg increase since last month. Even the doctor couldn't believe it and had to check her scale to make sure it was calibrated correctly. Hahahha..no wonder my arm feels like its going to fall off after carrying her for a few minutes. Pergh...dasat anak ibu.

Resting

I admitted myself to the hospital last Friday because I was getting more dehydrated by the day. Sucking on apples wasn't cutting it; my skin was already paper dry and I even had trouble catching a breath. I decided getting an IV drip would be my best bet, at least it would provide me the fluids I desperately needed.

I managed to drive myself slowly to the hospital because hubby was late coming home. Admission wasn't that hard and the nurses were very nice. They had a problem trying to put in the IV because my veins had shrunk. The doctor had to put the drip on slo-mo because too fast a drip hurt like shit.

All in all, I spent the entire weekend in the hospital and to tell the truth, I'm kind of glad I did. The IV really helped. The food sucked though but with hospital food, you can't expect 5 star hotel cuisine.

So now I'm resting at home. My doctor gave me 2 weeks of MC and eventhough I'm bored out of my mind, I really need this time to rest. I just can't think about anything else right now; not work, not the spa, not hubby, not even the girls.

If there's one thing (or rather person) that's really helping me with everything, it's got to be my new maid. She is just heaven sent!!! Since the first day she arrived, she just bonded with the girls and took over all the chores. Plus she cooks!! I love her.

I'm praying everyday that my MS goes away soon. I'm sick of feeling sick everyday. I know hubby's sick of it already. I think because when he goes to work, I'm still sleeping and when he gets back, I'm slumped in front of the TV, he thinks I'm having the time of my life. Truth is, half the time, I'm not even watching the TV, more like seeing through it. In my mind is that little voice constantly telling me "do not vomit, do not vomit." Eventhough I tell it to shut up, I just can;t get it out of my head. So I use the TV, the Internet, or even the girls to distract me. Grrrr...